Sins of the High School Flesh
by Khaleesi Khupcakes
Summary: School Days- 7 years later! Rated T for swearing, suggestiveness and some serious BradGenta!
1. Day one At DHS

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch, 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California.**

* * *

><p>Magenta's POV. Day One.<p>

_I skipped two grades, so I'm 12 in 9th grade. People think I'm a bitch because I'm brutally honest and I get into kick-ass fights. I'm really short, too, so people let their guards down. Yeah, I'm a bitch. And I like it._

Denton High School, September 2010.

Principal Ratishki: Welcome to High School, you little rats. I'm glad to see you're all wearing your uniforms. Except you, Alvarado.

Mrs Ratishki stares at a boy in the front row who is wearing all black.

Principal Ratishki: Anyway, you little 9th grade jerks, you will be pleased to know, will all be in the same classes, so, yes, you will be able to do your little note-passing, whispering, making-out high school dumbass type stuff.

A short girl with dark red hair in the front row raises her hand,

Ratishki: Yes, other Alvarado... As if one wasn't enough...

Magenta: I have a name, you know.

Ratishki: Yes, your last name is Alvarado. I could care less about your first.

Magenta: You're a sick woman...

Ratishki: You little tart!

Magenta: I eat butter tarts by the barrel, you old hag.

Ratishki: You should act more like a little lady, little lady.

Magenta flips Ratishki off and goes back to poking holes in the Gym floor with her earring.

Ratishki: You children sicken me...

Columbia: WELL, AREN'T WE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER!

Betty: I wish I didn't know any of you. Oh, except _you, _Janet.

Janet fluffs her hair,

Janet: Betty, you don't have to kiss up to me, you _know _we're BFFs, would I waste a perfectly good bracelet on anyone?

Brad: Ralph, check out that chick in the front row, Randall's sister.

Ralph: Yeah, she has pretty good shins.

Brad: She's _hot. _

Ralph: Well, it is warm in here, and that sweater of hers looks pretty darn thick...

Brad: I'll put in terms you can understand, BRAD THINK GIRL IN FRONT PRIDDDDYYYYY.

Ralph: Are you attracted to the Alvarado girl?

Brad: NOOOO. What do you think?"

Ralph: I think high school is confusing, isn't she the really smart girl who's like, 12?

Brad: All I care about is her...

Janet punches Brad in the neck,

Janet: Are you staring at Magenta?

Ralph: It's a lovely colour that compliments most skin tones!

Brad: Who the fudge is that?

Janet: In the front row? Fluffy hair, really short, killer body?

Brad: Oh, her, yeah, she's hot.

Ralph: I believe Magenta's short stature is getting Brad excited...

Brad: Ralph, you imbicile!

Ralph: That remark, Brad Majors, was uncalled for!

Brad: I'm gonna make my move at the Beginning-Of-School Lock-In!

Janet: Why would you want to do that? She skipped two grades, SHE'S 12 YEARS OLD!

Ralph: When I was two I was still afraid of babies.

Brad: Youre' weird.

Ralph: I've been told that.

Brad takes out his phone and texts Eddie; Omg, Alvarado-girl's lookin' hot in her unifrm!

'ROTF B, tat grls liak 12 rsumthin'

'Wut, U stl liak C-lumbia?' Columbia wrenched Eddie's phone out of his hand and texted back,

'B, this is C-lumbia, I'll have you know, me and Eddie went out pretty much everyday during the summer, so you can go shave your back now.'

'C-lumbia Y U textin mee?'

'Because I am'

Ratishki: EH? WHO'S TEXTING BACK THERE?

Columbia: Brad is, sir, I mean, Ma'am.

Brad: WHAAT?

Columbia: You're screwed. oh, I'm getting a text from Magenta, Oh, hey Brad, Magenta says you're a 'gross pedo who doesn't know a damn thing about whispering to Ralph'.

Magenta: What she said!

Randall: Get your pedo-y eyes off my sister, you creep!

Magenta: THANK YOU, RANDALL!

Randall: NO FUCKING PROBLEM!

Ralph: (making an astonished face) Ooh, Randall swore!

Janet: SHUT YOUR BROCCOLI-CHUTE, RALPH!

Eddie: Broccoli-Chute, really? I thought you were a smart-ass.

Frank: That ass looks pretty damn smart to meeee...

Janet: SHUT UP, YOU!

Awkward silence until Ralph stands up and screams, SHAWTY-FIRE-BURNIN-ON-THE-DANCE-FLOOR!

* * *

><p>Magenta: Ooh, homeroom, where people screw the the back of the class,<p>

Betty: HaHa, LOL, you're like, so hilarious!

Janet: Betty, I thought we agreed _not _to talk to Magenta, she's weird.

Betty: Oh, yeah, totally, Magenta, stop being weird!

Magenta:I will when you will.

Betty: HAHA, you are SO funny!

Randall grabs Betty's ass and she whips around,

Randall: How many years of implants made that?

Betty: Longer than you've been alive! You're birthday's in JANUARY!

Ralph: hey Brad, are you gonna sit next to MAGENTA on the first day?

Brad: Mm-Hmm.

Ralph: OOH! BRAD'S GOTTA GIRLFRIEND, WHO SHOULD BE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Janet: Eddie, do you think I have nice boobs?

Eddie: Why?

Janet: Because you always lie, so if you say they're bad, I'll know they're really nice.

Eddie: What if I don't feel like lying today? They suck eggs.

Janet: YOU'RE AN EGG! I'M ASKING MAGENTA! SHE SEEMS TO KNOW ALL ABOUT CURVES!"

Magenta: Leave me the hell out of it. Go motorboat Brad, give his eyes something to look at other than my thighs.

Frank: Brad, you're welcome to look at _my_ thighs!

Brad: you don't _have _any thighs.

Frank kicks Brad in the ass and Brad runs away to where Magenta is,

Brad: So, where're you gonna sit in homeroom?

Brad flattens his hair like a loser,

Magenta: Somewhere near the front. So if you make a move the teacher can see it clearly.

Brad: Yeah, this year, since there's a small class, we all have the same schedule, cool, right.

Magenta: Just great...

Brad: I like PE because I like sports, but math's kinda cool too, also science, Hey, do we get to choose our lab partners? I bet I'll have to take remedial science because I'm not so good with mixing and stuff, unless you like it... That sounded bad, ugh it's hard talking to girls who aren't head-over-heels for you, like Janet, ugh, she bugs me, so does that Columbia girl, I mean, she has to shut up! I once put a skewer through what I thought was a hard-boiled egg, but it turns out it wasn't cooked, so it went everywhere, Hey, how do you feel about deep-fried chocolate bars? They aren't very healthy, but-

Magenta: What'll it take to shut you up?

Brad: Be my girlfriend!

Magenta slaps Brad across the face and he falls over sideways, only to get hit in the head with Frank's violently swinging shoe, a few of the rhinestones come off and Frank screams in an obsessed way,

Frank: Why the hell would you do that?

Brad: I fell! It was an accident! I would punch you right now, but I can't hit girls...

Magenta: I'll be using that to my advantage...

Magenta kicks Brad,

Brad: You are a mean little girl! But so sexy...

Magenta: You're a big pig.

Brad: I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

Magenta: So I don't excite you?

Brad: NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Columbia: You don't have to get so mad! She's just a little girl! God, Brad.

Magenta sticks out her bottom lip and Brad starts to vibrate,

Brad: I'm going to shove my binder up your big fat ass, Columbia...

Ratishki materializes behind Brad: What did you say?

Brad: Nothing sir-Ma'am.

Ratishki: I'm watchin' you, boy...

Columbia: He said he was gonna shove his binder up my big fat ass, I believe that's punishable, _Madame Ratishki._

Ratishki: You seem like a nice enough girl, but I still don't like you, I hate everyone under the age of 18. Especially those who don't shave twice a day.

Frank: Do you even have a license to teach?

Ratishki: I'll have you know, you little ingrate-

Randall: Does it still apply if you're license is on the back of an unfolded cardboard box? Most licenses don't say 'This Side Up'...

Ratishki: You watch your mouth, you suburban RiffRaff,

Randall: Call me suburban again and I'll kick your ass, I **_like _** that last part, though...

Ratishki: You couldn't kick my ass if your pathetic life depended on it.

Randall: My nails are two centimetres long, I can claw your eyes out.

Ratishki: Tell your sister she can _forget _about valedictorian now!

Magenta takes a Swiss Army Knife out of her jacket pocket...

Eddie: You just spat in my eye...

* * *

><p>The kids get into homeroom to find what looks like a dead stripper behind the desk, Magenta goes through the desk drawers and takes out a stapler, a pack of Tic Tacs, and a can of Coke Zero.<p>

Brad: Why the hell is there a dead slut in the room?

All of a sudden the stripper pops up

Stripper: GAAHH!

and scares Brad shitless,

Brad: YOU SCARED ME!

Stripper: He he, that's right! I know, I'm Miss Ratishki! _Mrs _Ratishki's daughter! I was the result of a one night stand at a Sweet 16 party!

Janet: You mean Principal Ratishki was a teen mom?

Ms Ratishki: Yup, what's your point? You look like a cupcake, NEWS FLASH, Those socks aren't uniform, I may have to write you up!

Janet: I can't believe it, I haven't gotten in trouble since last week! I'm screwed! AH! I said the S-word!

Ralph, Betty and Brad jump back in shock, Magenta takes out the pin from her plaid skirt and stabs it into the wood of a desk in the front of the class,

Magenta: Alright, y'all, this is _my _desk, no-one else can sit here, is that clear?

Frank: No.

Frank shoves Magenta away and sits down, Magenta takes her pin out of the wood and starts to jab it into Frank's flesh,

Frank: WHAT THE HELL?

Magenta: You almost killed me.

Frank: And you almost flashed me last Christmas!

Magenta: You shut your mouth, you ripped my skirt!

Janet: Wow, an 11-year old flashing, what is happening to the innocence of the children?

Magenta: Suck an egg, Janet.

Janet: DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY BREASTS THAT WAY, YOU LITTLE WENCH!

* * *

><p><strong>Betty's house after school,<strong>

Mrs Munroe: How was your first day of school, darling?

Betty: Amazing, mother! My grade has all the same classes together, Janet's there, and Columbia from volleyball, and there's this one girl, she's 12, and she's a genius, and so beautiful! And her brother looks like Justin Bieber! He's so hot!

Mrs Munroe: That sounds lovely!

Betty: The principal is INSANE! Her daughter was concieved on a pinball machine!

Mrs Munroe: You were concieved in a confessional booth, dear.

Betty: MOTHER! YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!

Mrs Munroe: Oh, but I did...

Betty:GAAAAAHD!


	2. Locked In!

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch, 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p>At School for the Lock-In, 7:00 pm.<p>

Ratishki: Alright, listen up here, you little bastards, due to the fact that this school has an uncontrollable rodent problem, a parent volunteer has offered to hold the Lock-In at her pathetic hovel, so you little creeps better all say thank you to Shirona Alvarado.

Randall: Oh fuck...

Ratishki: YOU FOUL-MOUTHED LITTLE PISSWORM!

Magenta: Can we just go please?

* * *

><p>Shirona: Alright, kids, I don't want any of y'all hookin' up in my house, So girls, y'all are gonna go upstairs to Magenta's room and guys, y'all are gonna get the basement.<p>

Magenta: Okay...

The girls run to the upstairs bathroom,

Janet: Why are we all in here?

Magenta: Because, whatever the guys are saying in the basement, we can hear through this vent.

Betty: So... we're going to listen to them?

Columbia: NOOO... What the hell do you think?

Magenta: Okay, let's meet back here at 9:30 tonight.

Columbia: Why not now?

Magenta: You really expect all of them to be in the basement?

Randall though the vent: So what do you guys think of Janet's new perfume?

Frank through the vent: I think she smells like sex and watermelons.

Janet: Those creeps!

Brad through the vent: What do you guys think of Magenta?

Eddie through the vent: I'm a good boyfriend to Collie, but she is a knock-out!

Randall through the vent: She's a real bitch at home...

Frank through the vent: She can bitch at me as much as she wants as long as she's wearing that skirt... Mmmm...

Brad through the vent: What about that ass?

Eddie through the vent: I personally think it looks like a cupcake...

Randall through the vent: You people are whores.

Brad through the vent: You hooked up with Janet between periods.

Randall through the vent: She is a frickin' prude, the farthest she let me get was second base.

Ralph through the vent: You were playing baseball?

Randall through the vent: Ralph, did anyone ever tell you that you're an IDIOT?

Ralph through the vent: Well, Betty, almost every...day... and Magenta texted it to me during Sex Ed when I texted her to ask her if she was enjoying the class... But I think it was a tad irresponsible considering she's just a little girl and-

Brad through the vent: RALPH? YOU WERE TEXTING MAGENTA ALVARADO DURING _**SEX ED? **_I spent the whole time sweating with Janet hinting at me!

And then she cried out,

Janet: I WAS NOT HINTING AT ALL!

The guys fall quiet downstairs with Ralph whispering 'GHOST'! in a scared tone,

Randall through the vent: Those bitches!

The girls hear a series of footsteps coming up the basement stairs,

Magenta: HIDE!

The girls scatter throughout the top floor, Janet in Magenta's closet with Columbia, Magenta slides in behind the sink, and Betty gets into Randall's bed, pretending to be a pillow, Randall and Brad appear at the top of the stairs, followed by Eddie, Frank and Ralph.

Frank: Let's find those skanks...

All the girls are quiet except Betty...

Betty: Pee-looohhh... Peeeeee-looooooooohhhhh!

Brad: Follow me...

The guys creep over to Randall's bed and Ralph tears the sheets off, Betty screams and runs down the hall, sliding into Shirona's room, Columbia audibly smacks Janet's arm inside the closet and Janet shrieks and jumps out, Columbia stays hidden,

Frank: OVER THERE!

Frank takes off after Janet as she runs around the house

Frank: I'll tell you once,

I won't tell you twice,

You better wise up Janet Weiss-

Eddie: Okay, do you have any idea how annoying that is? Seriously...

Frank: So-rry! When I feel it, I do it.

Janet: GROSS!

Randall pretends not to see Magenta and turns the sink on, pointing down, Frank smiles...

Brad: What're you so damn happy about?

Frank: Whenever that sink is turned on it leaks in the back, so if someone's hiding back there, it's really irritating to have water dripping on your head for as long as someone has the water on.

Magenta pops out from behind the sink,

Magenta: OH, GOD!

Randall: I got you out!

Magenta flips him off.

Ralph: Now we have to find Columbia!

Betty: SHE'S OVER THERE!

she points to Columbia's name written on Magenta's door.

**1 hour later-**

Columbia to herself: I wonder if they forgot about me? I mean, I have a really high voice, they would have noticed, especially Randall, he said one time he can always hear me a mile away... Oh, my God... I can't stand any more of this...

Columbia takes a deep breath and starts to scream and pound on the door,

Columbia: GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OOOUUUUTTTT! MAGENTA, YOUR CLOSET IS EVIL! JANET, I HATE YOU FOR SHOVING ME INTO A BUSH AT CAMP, BETTY, WE HAVE A WORD FOR YOU IN PHILADELPHIA, THAT WORD IS DUMBASS! EDDIE, I LOVE YOU, RANDALL, YOU'RE A JERK! FRANK, YOU _WILL NEVER _BE ABLE TO PULL OFF THE WOMEN'S CLOTHING LOOK, BRAD, I HATE YOU! RALPH, GET SOME HELP!

Randall outside the door: Columbia, you're damn loud! And yes, I was the one who said you were pregnant when you took a month off from school last year...

Columbia bursts out of the newly unlocked closet door,

Columbia: RANDY, I KNEW YOU'D COME FOR MEEEE! Ew, gross, why am I hugging you?

Randall: Never call me 'Randy' again.

Columbia: Okay!

Randall: We're all playing Spin The Bottle downstairs,

Columbia: Hugging, right?

Randall: Yeah... That's what we're doing...

Columbia: GREAT!

...

Columbia and Randall both sit down,

Magenta: Alright, my turn...

Magenta leans over and spins the Sprite Bottle, it lands on Ralph, Brad groans and administers an epic face-palm.

Ralph: OOH, I feel all funny inside! Got lip gloss on?

Magenta (sarcastically): Oh, _definitely_!

Ralph: Whoopee! I like cherry, and vanilla, and lemon! From Bath and Body Works!

Columbia: Don't worry, Ralph, she _single-handedly _keeps that store in business!

Magenta: Ssh!

Magenta and Ralph lean in, but Ralph jumps back, giggling,

Ralph: SORRY! I mean, you might have cooties!

Janet: Oh dear God...

Frank: I think he still believes in cooties...

Randall: Kill me now... Go get a hammer... and kill me with it...

Ralph: Why would you want to die? I'm just being cautious, Brad, gimme a cootie shot...

Brad: N. O.

Ralph: Brad...

Brad: NO!

Betty: Oh Brad, it's not that hard... Circle Circle Dot Dot-

Brad: FINE! Ralph, hold out your arm,

Ralph's arm shoots up violently,

Brad: Circle Circle, Dot Dot, Now you gotta damn cootie shot.

Ralph: INNOCULATION!

Ralph grabs Magenta by the face and gives her a deep kiss, then falls back,

Ralph: SEVEN SECONDS, BIATCHES! I GOT DEM MOVES LIKE JAGGER!

Frank: Ooh! Me next!

Frank spins the bottle, it lands on Betty,

Betty: Frankie...

Frankie: Lizzie...**(Elizabeth, like in Betty...)**

*MAKEOUT*

Betty: WOO-EEEEE!

Janet: What do his lips taste like?

Betty: PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM LIP GLOSS!

Frank: Bath and Body Works, 2 dollars, clearance.

Janet and Betty squeal and writhe on the floor,

Randall: I need the hammer sometime soon...

Brad: Can I just go, please?

Frank: Go ahead...

Brad spins and it lands on Janet, narrowly missing Magenta,

Brad: Screw it, I'm spinnin' again...

Janet: WHOAH, NO YA DON'T!

Brad: WHOAH, Yes I do.

Brad adjusts the bottle so it points at Magenta,

Brad: Well, Will y'all look at that?

Magenta cringes and leans in, Brad really hams it up for ten seconds until Magenta taps out, looking shocked and dazed,

Brad: Whadja think?

Magenta: I think... THAT WAS AMAZING! MOOOOOORRRRRE!

The two start liplocking again until Magenta is dragged away by Betty, Columbia and Janet.

* * *

><p>Up in Magenta's room,<p>

Janet: I like your bed...

Janet points to a round bed in the middle of Magenta's huge room, the bed has a black bedspread and fluffy red pillows,

Magenta: Finally, some compliments on my amazing room! I made Randall trade me, I mean, we have the same size rooms, just this room's at the front of the house, so I can spy on people coming in.

Betty: Oh, how pretty!

She points to a porcelain doll with curly black hair and a frilly black and red dress,

Magenta: DON'T TOUCH!

Betty: Oh, sorry, she's just so beautiful!

Columbia: Dolls like that scare me, those big eyes!

Magenta: I've had Lychordia since I was a baby, isn't she beautiful?

Janet: Magenta, this necklace is gorgeous!

Janet picks up a ruby necklace with a gold chain,

Magenta: Ssh! Don't let Randall hear you saying that! He'll go into a rant about how ugly it is!

Janet: He's obviously blind to beauty, so shiny...

Magenta: Okay, please stop rifling through my room...

Janet, Columbia and Betty: Okay...

Magenta: Let's not forget the reason we came up here, I have a vent in my room, I cover it when I don't want anyone in the basement to hear what I'm saying, we're gonna play a very _mean _trick on the guys. Everyone listen, this vent absorbs almost every scrap of noise, we're going to simulate a conversation about them and how 'HOT' they are.

Betty: Why?

Magenta: You're missing the point! They'll think we're obsessed with them from what they think we're saying, and then we'll go downstairs and see their reaction.

Janet: I like it...

Magenta: Okay, just pile on lie after lie...

Columbia: You knew me in third grade, you _know _I can lie!

The girls go over to the vent and sit down,

Brad through the vent: That was awesome!

Randall through the vent: What did you even do?

Eddie through the vent: Yeah, any tongue?

Brad through the vent: Oh, yeah, I think I licked her uvula!

Ralph through the vent: EWWW!

Randall through the vent: Shut up.

Frank through the vent: What does she taste like?

Brad through the vent: Happiness...

Frank through the vent: No seriously...

Brad through the vent: The inside of her mouth kind of tastes like strawberries, and pink lemonade lip gloss, and I think she was eating a hot dog earlier.

Magenta: My God, he could taste that? Shit...

Janet: SSH!

Brad through the vent: What was that?

Randall through the vent: THOSE BITCHES! AGAIN!

Magenta: Let's get out of here,

Magenta starts climbing out the window,

Betty: What're you doing?

Magenta: There's a fire escape under my window!

Janet: That's astounding, how did you not tell us about this before?

Magenta: I didn't. Now get out the window.

The girls climb out the window and run down the alley and hide behind a garage,

Betty: They'll NEVER find us here!

Janet: Oh, gosh, what the heck is that on the ground?

Janet points to a puddle of dried vomit on the pavement,

Magenta: The people who live here are alcoholics.

Janet: THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!

Betty: Ooh, yeah, me too!

Columbia: You little bitches...

Betty: So just because I'm following Janet around? That makes me a... b-word? Oh, don't tell anybody I said that! I don't want to go to... heck...

Magenta: Can I kick you right now?

Betty: Oh, yeah...

Magenta roundhouse-kicks Betty upside the head,

Betty: That felt good...

Janet: You are _insane_!

Randall and Brad suddenly jump around the corner and pin Betty and Magenta to the garage wall,

Magenta: WTF!

Brad: I like pressing myself against you!

Betty: Shut up, Brad, you little skeaze!

Randall: You're so hot...

Betty: Ew gross! I stopped liking Justin Bieber, like, two minutes ago! When y'all were gossiping downstairs about us! By the way, Brad, you don't have to talk about Magenta's uvula! Or her hot dog spit, or lip gloss!

Brad: What the hell...

* * *

><p>Nobody said anything to the opposite sex for the rest of the Lock-In, except, 'Screw off' or 'Get off my sleeping bag, find your own, you little slut', it was a fun night.<p> 


	3. OMG GRL WTF FML ILY, RANDYBIEBER

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch, 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p>MSN chat, Saturday after the Lock-In.<p>

Eddiethebadass: Hey, is anybody on this thing?

Collie-umbiaaatch:~)):Hey eddddyyyyy...

BTWI'mRalph: Oh yeeeaah, I love Facebook...

Orange: Ewwwww, Randaaaaal stop eatin budder! Randal's eatin budder!

Eddiethebadass: Y?

Bread Majors: All right, I'm confused, which one of y'all is which?

Collie-umbiaaatch:~)): I'm C-lumbia, Magenta's Ornge n Frnk hasint sined in yettt.

TastetherainbowFrankieishott: Hi b iitchs!

Collie-umbiaaatch:~)): Lookit thatt!

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: Guess wut gies, i'm doin my naylz rit nao!"

Bread Majors: What did you just say, I mean, type?

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Hey Brad, Y Ur name Bread?

Bread Majors: My computer keyboard sucks. Why did you insist on being called Cathlick_Gurrrl?

BTWI'mRalph: Hay, Y aint Randal on heer? He don't gots MSN?

RandyBieber: LOL Ralph ur dumm...

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Randy why ur last nam biber, u gay r sumthin?

RandyBieber: Betty maked myy lasst name... LOL.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: IKR! I wuz emailin him at da lok-inn n I sayd he shud be Randie Beeber. cuz he lux like JB!

Orange: Tatse the ranebo Frank! tee hee

TastetherainbowFrankieishott: It tats liek Beddie, LOL!

RandyBieber: Beddie cumm to myy haws n ill tell u sumpin kewl.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: Okeydoke dat souns intristin Randy I lubv u.

Cathlick_Gurrrl: LOL Randie ur sucha hor! ur a hor 2 beddie!1!

Orange: Hey yal gess wut, my momm sayed wer gettin a new kidd in clas tummoro!

TastetherainbowFrankieishott: Ew gros. I hat new kidz they nevr liek mii...

Collie-umbiaaatch:~)): aw pore babee:(

Orange: hes frum Californya!

TastetherainbowFrankieishott: Ooh, nope stil hat himm.

RandyBieber: Beddie i wonaa mak out wit u.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: tottily! ur sexy Randal. u lux liak JB!

Eddiethebadass: I lux liak Jo caldrone.

Orange: WTF?

Eddiethebadass: its lady gaga but a guy.

Orange: oh ya U n I! dats mii n Bradz song LOL.

Bread Majors: thanks, Magenta.

Orange: No prob biatch;)

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Hey yal i gotsta lottay! from starbux hahaha LOL

RandyBieber: OMG, ur hi!1!

Orange: Ikr Jannitz alwies hi.

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Hay ur meen.

RandyBieber: Ur hi Jannit.

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Em nott!

Eddiethebadass: Wut dat meen?

Collie-umbiaaatch:~)): It meenz Jannit un-hi but Randie thinx shii hi.

Bread Majors: That seriously didn't make the least little bit of sense.

RandyBieber: Hay yal remeber in priiskul wen i bitted offf my nail?

Orange:OMG i wuz liak a babii but i rember yu wuz cryin ur ass off LOL randiie!

Cathlick_Gurrrl: I rember you bitted ur nail off den u was bloodin n i screemd.

RandyBieber: duh u wuz a liddul kidd!

Bread Majors: Is this conversation headed anywhere?

Orange: Um No bradd, dis convo to borin 4 u, and u thinx it aint heddid noplace u can jist leev.

Bread Majors: No, I just want to see how stupid all your text talk is.

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Bibi Bradddddddd!

Bread Majors: I'M NOT LEAVING DAMMIT!

RandyBieber: hay Brad i cud imatat u, I NOT LEEVIN DAMIT!

Bread Majors: Don't go there with me, Alvarado...

TastetherainbowFrankieishott: ooooooh, last naim! brad goin dere wit Randal, OMFG!

RandyBieber: Imma bit u bread. Imma put jam n pb n budder n kechup on u n mak a sanwich.

Bread Majors: That sounds disgusting, Randall.

RandyBieber: kis ma ass sanwich.

BTWI'mRalph: U has a asswich!

Collie-umbiaaatch:~)): EWWW RALPH UR GROS!

RandyBieber: ;l;d;zl**(I actually typed this by pounding on the keyboard!) **

Orange: OMG, Ranndy!

Bread Majors: Whats happening?

RandyBieber: WHY WONT U TIPE?

Orange: His keebord wont tipe. Hee's punchin it.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: dats awsm, randy ur a spaz.

Orange: ikr.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: wut dat meen?

Orange: LOL beddie.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: o_O ha ha chekk it owt i maid a fase!

Bread Majors: OH MY GOD!


	4. Let's partyHallofrickinween

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch, 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p>The next day at school, the kids walk into homeroom to find a buff kid standing next to the teacher's desk, he has a name tag that says 'Rockford'.<p>

Rockford: Hi.

Frank: Hello, where have you been all my life?

Rockford: Cafilornia.

Frank: You mean California? Well, welcome to Denton High School, I'm Frank, your personal tour guide.

Rockford: GOODY!

Rockford claps like a little baby.

Frank: Goody, I'm excited, too, let me show you around, I'm Frank, BTW.

Rockford: Rocky.

Janet: He's cute. I think I'm having my first crush!

Magenta: And the prude alarm is going off...

Ms Ratishki goes to the front of the class and screams,

Ms Ratishki: ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE CREEPERS, TAKE YOUR SEATS!

Magenta: Like father, like son.

Ms Ratishki: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, GIRL? 50 LAPS AROUND THE ROOM!

Magenta: Laps? You want me to _run_?

Ms Ratishki: WHAT PART OF LAPS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? GO, BIATCH!

Magenta: I'm wearing heels.

Ms Ratishki: QUITCHER GRIPIN'! CHOP CHOP, CHICK, I AIN'T GOT ALL DAY Y'KNOW!"

Magenta stands up and runs around the room a few times, Rockford giggles.

Rockford: Nice ass!

He points at Magenta, Frank turns blue,

Frank: I think you mean, nice ass...

Frank points to his own ass.

Randall leans forward: No, He doesn't.

Rockford: Bieber.

Randall: Say that again and I crack your nuts.

Rockford: Pecan. Uhahaha...

* * *

><p>After school. Brad and Magenta are fully ready to announce their new-found love, and are going to the movies with Frank and Columbia. They're going to see a new horror movie called <em>The Night Creeper. <em> It's rated NC-17 but Brad's brother, Jonathan found a secret passageway into the back row when he was cleaning that particular theatre with a bunch of friends after they egged it.

Brad pops his head out of the passage, followed by Columbia,

Columbia: What's taking them so long?

Frank: EWWW SPIDER!

Frank pops out followed by Magenta,

Brad: Sit DOWN!

Frank: Eh, I want candy, y'all want some?

Columbia: Yummy! I like Fuzzy Peaches, and the cherry things...

Frank: Got any money?

Magenta: JUST BUY THE DAMN CANDY!

Frank: Sorry!

Frank runs down the aisle and comes back two minutes later with much more than he was sent for,

Brad: You're like a little baby. We send you to go get candy and you come back with 30 years worth of sugar highs.

Frank: That crack makes even less sense than your outfit, seriously, khakis and a bolo tie, can I just strangle you right here?

Columbia: Sit your buns down, it's starting!

...

**2 hours later going home...**

Frank: That movie was a load of crap!

Magenta: I know right?

Brad: I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight.

Columbia: Hey, y'all wanna have a sleepover at my house tonight?

Frank: I don't have any plans...

Magenta and Brad: We don't have any plans either, let's do it!

Columbia: Alright, hold it, not at my sleepover!

Frank: Was that supposed to be funny?

...

The kids are all lying on their backs in Columbia's basement, wide awake. Of course, Columbia is dead asleep.

Magenta: Hey, Columbia?

Columbia: What?

Magenta: Are you sleeping?

Columbia:...Yes.

Magenta: Well wake up, I'm scared.

Columbia: Why?

Magenta: I don't watch horror movies.

Columbia: Don't be scared. It was just a movie.

Brad: Columbia?

Columbia: WHAT?

Brad: I think there's somebody thumping around upstairs, whoever they are, they're scary.

Columbia: That's my MOM!

Frank: Columbia?

Columbia: WHAT? ARE YOU SCARED? LITTLE BABIES, JUST GO TO SLEEP!

Frank: I'm scared.

Columbia: GRAAAAAAGH!

Frank: No roar like that, you're just making it worser.

Brad: That's not even a word.

Frank: I'z talk weird when me's scare.

Brad: You sound like Rockford.

Frank: Ooh, yeah, how 'bout his ninety-four pack? RIIIIIPPED!

Columbia: OH HELL NO...

Brad: I'm gonna get my mom to pick me and Magenta up.

Magenta: I like that idea...

Columbia: I like that too, if you left I could GODDAMN WELL SLEEP!

Frank: I don't gots nobodies to pick me ups! My mommy an' daddy an' sister at party.

Columbia: You can sleep in the oven...

Magenta: That's it, I'm calling my grandma.

Columbia: Don't even try that, old people like to sleep like little babies.

Magenta: My grandma plays bingo till the crack of dawn.

Frank: Nuthouse.

Magenta: Says the boy who's mother makes him hold her hand while crossing the lawn.

Frank: Me could get hitted by mine catty-kit.

Columbia: Kitty-cat?

Magenta dials her grandma's number,

Phone Conversation,

G: Magenta, dear, how are you?

M: Can you come pick me up from Columbia's house?

G: One second Princess, (RANDALL GET OUT OF THERE!)

M: Randall's with you?

G: Oh, yes, he's very popular, but I think he had a little too much to drink...

M: Grandma, he's 14.

G: He has a fake ID, Don't tell your mother, I read on this website that if he drinks now it'll have a milder effect when he grows up.

M: Which website was that?

G: That nice website, .

M: Get Randall on the phone.

G: Alright Princess, (RANDY YOUR SISTER'S ON THE PHONE!)

R: Sup bitch?

M: Where the hell are you?

R: With Gramma...

M: No, like, where?

R: Well, Me an' Gramma goed to this place, an' I forgetted the name of it, All da old peeples luv meee...

M: You're smashed.

R: I'M SOBER!

M: Shut up, put me back on with Grandma.

R: LOL.

G: What a nice boy.

M: CAN YOU JUST COME?

G: Oh yes, (RANDALL ALVARADO, YOU GET OUT OF THAT BOX!) Bye bye Princess!

* * *

><p>Magenta's grandma arrived about two minutes later with Randall vomiting in Columbia's driveway.<p>

Randall: Naaahh-Genna, er you'an Brahd liaka fing nahw?

Randall twirled drunkenly and slammed into a tree.

Grandma: Lambchop and Lambchop's little boyfriend, get in the car, Randy, swallow it and get in the trunk, I don't wantcha barfing all over the upholstery.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later, Halloween. The girls are all going as each other. Janet is Magenta, Magenta is Betty, Betty is Columbia and Columbia is Janet. Their male counterparts aren't wearing costumes because they think they're too mature. the gang sits down in homeroom where Ms Ratiski is dressed as a Playboy bunny.<p>

Betty: OOH! I KNOW WHAT MS RATISHKI IS! SHE'S REGINA GEORGE! FROM MEAN GIRLS!

Magenta: Let's go with that.

Janet: Magenta, how the heck do you survive in these clothes? I mean, the makeup is way more than any 12year old girl should ever be wearing, the skirt is shorter than Ms Ratishki's, the tight bra?

Magenta: I love my cleavage.

Janet: EW EW EW EW EW YOU DID _NOT_ JUST SAY THAT!

Columbia: Y'know what? She actually did!

Janet: You people are disgusting. At least Betty hasn't lost it yet,

Betty is meanwhile looking down her shirt talking to her breasts,

Betty: Do you two smell that? Smells like onion rings! Oh, y'all are my BFFs!

Janet: I spoke too soon.

Janet runs away, Brad checks out her ass,

Brad: Hey, someone went as you, Magenta!

Janet: How did you know it was me?

Brad: I know Magenta's ass like the back of my hand.

Janet: Ex_cuse_ me?

Frank: He means he stares at it 24/7.

* * *

><p>That night, while going door-to-door, the girls see an army of sheet ghosts coming towards them,<p>

Betty: Aw, shoot. This is scarin' me...

Magenta: Who goes as sheet ghosts any more?

The tallest ghost taps Magenta on the shoulder,

Magenta: EE! RAPIST! (hit ghost with her bag of candy)

Ghost: It's me, Brad.

Takes off his sheet, revealing messy hair, fogged glasses and a piece of popcorn stuck fast in his braces.

Brad: Sheet ghosts were the fastest costumes we could come up with.

The other ghosts take off their sheets, underneath is Eddie, Randall, Frank, Rockford and Ralph.

Ralph: We were watching The Exorcist, and we decided we should come tell you that we think your house is haunted.

Randall slaps Ralph upside the head,

Ralph: What was that for?

Randall: You really thought you were supposed to tell her?

Magenta: Randall, we don't even _own _The Exorcist, where the hell did you find it?

Randall: We rented it across the street.

Magenta: At the store that sells _pirated DVDS_?

Eddie: I actually think it's scarier in Romanian.

Magenta: And where did you put it?

Randall: Don't know, a place?

Magenta: WHERE! (grabs Randall by the sheet) TELL ME OR I'LL KNOCK THE LIVING SUBURBAN-NESS OUT OF YOU!

Randall: YOUR ROOM! YOUR ROOM!

* * *

><p>They get back to Randall and Magenta's house and goes upstairs, Ralph points to Magenta's bed,<p>

Ralph: Your bed... is tick-tocking, and it's ghost-ish.

Magenta pulls an alarm clock out from under her bed,

Magenta: It's my clock. It's how I wake up in the morning, see? It has wheels, it rolls around when it goes off so I have to chase it around the house to shut it the hell up.

Ralph: Well, that is a _lot_ more un-scarier.

Columbia: Okay, I don't mean to be rude, but that last little crack didn't make any sense... _a lot more UN-SCARIER.._. Sheeee-it!

Brad: Here's where we agree, you obnoxious helium squirrel.

Columbia: That made even less sense.

A little girl runs into the room,

Magenta: Oh fudge.

Eddie: Who's the little brat?

Magenta: My cousin. Lavender.

Frank: That's my mom's name.

Lavender: RANDY!

Randall: Shist...

Lavender: RANDY SAID A BAD BAD BAD BAD WORD! NUTS! HA!

Lavender knees Randall in the nuts and runs away,

Randall: FUCK...

Magenta: The last time she was here she punched me in the tit.

Brad: Can I do that too?

Magenta knees Brad in the nuts,

Brad: OWIE!

Frank: Little baby Bradlet gotsa ouchie booboo?

Brad: I'm waiting for that to be offensive...

Eddie: Good one, Majors.

Columbia: Lavender is so CUTE!

Betty: Okay, Collie, you're dumb, and that's coming from me!

Lavender runs back into Magenta's room,

Lavender: I hate you y'all. Y'all suck eggs.

Janet: I am going to murder you for talking about my chest.

Lavender: Nutter nut nut nut nut nut nutty nutsack.

Janet: You. Are a very rude little girl.

Lavender: I've been told that.

Janet: No f- fr-... darn wonder.

Lavender: I'm a cousin. These two are my cousins and I think they suck eggs like you, Jan. EGG EGG EGG EGG!

Eddie: Wow, aren't we getting to know each other so goodly!

Brad: That isn't a word.

Eddie: Do I seriously look like I care? Like... WTF...

* * *

><p>The next day is Saturday. Brad has talked Magenta into meeting his parents,<p>

Magenta rings to doorbell,

Magenta: This was a bad idea. A fucking bad idea.

Brad's mother opens the door,

Evie Majors: AH! YOU MUST BE MAGENTA! BRAD'S TOLD ME SO MUCH ABOUT YOU! WELCOME TO OUR HOME!

10 minutes later,

Evie: So, Magenta, tell us, what's your home life like? Who are your parents?

Magenta: Well, my parents got a divorce three years ago, and my mom's name is Shirona, but she goes by her middle name, which is London, and her married name was McAllistor...

Evie: Oh. That's -uh- interesting.

Brad: Divorced means her parents _aren't_ married anymore.

* * *

><p>Two weeks later. Ralph's birthday party. Everyone is invited. Magenta and Randall are standing on the porch.<p>

Dena Hapschatt: OH! ARE YOU ALL RALPHIE'S LITTLE FRIENDS! RALPHIE! JUSTIN BIEBER AND HIS VAMPIRE FRIEND ARE ON THE PORCH!

Ralph runs to the door wearing a dress shirt, suit jacket and tie. Clearly he doesn't care how he looks below the waist because he's wearing pajama bottoms and Crocs with those padded tennis socks that very weird seven-year old girls wear sometimes.

Ralph: Welcome to my home, Spawn of Shirona.

Randall: That's offensive.

Magenta: Don't embarrass me, this house is more suburban than you.

The kids go into the basement to find all the other 9th graders in the basement, Brad is slouching on a cushy chair drowning his boredom in Cheez Curls, whenever Frank reaches over to take some Brad instinctively rolls over and whines, 'MAAAAGEEEENTA, WHEREFORE ART Y'ALL, MAGENTA?'.

Ralph: The Spawn of Shirona have arrived!

Janet: In English.

Magenta and Randall: WE'RE HERE!

Janet: That simplifies things...

Columbia: Are we going to the playground any day now?

Ralph: You mean the one down the street?

Columbia: Yeah, the blacktop feels like a cookie under my feet!

Frank: I want to _slap you_!

* * *

><p>The gang gets to the park, and Columbia explains the rules of the game she wants to play. Grounders. A game nobody but Columbia has played in three years.<p>

Columbia: OKEY-DOKEY! WHO WANTSTA BE IT?

Frank: None of us.

Columbia starts to look sad,

Columbia: But I can't be It, I'm the Hamburger Helper.

Magenta: Ralph, didn't you have that for lunch on Tuesday?

Ralph: Why, yes I did and it was deee-licious!

Columbia: The Hamburger Helper is the person who tells the It person where to go if they wanna catch somebody...

Eddie: _I'll_ be It, Columbia.

Columbia: YAY EDDIE! Count to ten and spin around!

Eddie: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten-WATCH OUT BEE-ITCHES!

The kids scatter across the playground, Randall, Janet, Rockford and Magenta climb up the rope structure, someplace nobody will ever get them,

Columbia: Okay, Eddie, start walking!

Eddie: Where?

Columbia: Forward! Wow, Randall, you're a good climber!

Randall: Really? I just really don't wanna be It, I don't trust you...

Columbia: Why're you such a meanie-head? I just wanna jump on the bouncy cookie blacktop...

Eddie: Me too.

Frank runs over to the cookie blacktop,

Eddie: GROUNDERS Y'ALL!

Frank: Shist.

Columbia: I'll be your Hamburger Helper for today!

Frank: Wait, before we start, am I gonna end up in a ditch like last time?

Magenta: The last time I played this game was in third grade, I ended up in the Boiler Room, and that's really not a good place to be when you're six.

Randall: The last time I played I ended up on a bus to West Virginia.

Rockford: Dat way.

Rockford points down, giggling like a baby.

* * *

><p>When the gang gets back to Ralph's house. Dena comes downstairs carrying a bowl of fruit. Ralph's sister and brother, Kate and Gordon come downstairs,<p>

Dena: OKAY EVERYBODY! COME GET YOUR FRUIT!

Kate: We have strawberries, peaches, apples, pears, mangoes-

Betty: I REEEEAAALLY LIKE MANGOES! Oh, poopsicle-stick, I'm on a diet. Mangoes have carbs!

Frank: EAT IT!

Frank shoves a mango slice into Betty's mouth.

Betty: MEANIE! You're tryna make me fat!

Frank: Damn right I is.

Betty: Damn right you no!

Brad: You people are really starting to cause me physical and emotional pain.

Ralph: GUYS-UH! QUIT CAUSING BRAD THE AGONY-ISMIES!

Magenta: Ralph, can I hurt you?

Ralph: Well... I'm not so sure I would really enjoy that to a large extent of the isms...

Magenta: That really didn't make any sense.

Magenta slaps Brad.

Brad: Okay, guys, come on y'all, let's play spin the bottle!

Columbia: Wowza, totally-unrelated alert!

Ralph: I'm down wit' da spinnin. Kate, go upstairs!

Kate: Aw, gee!

Kate runs upstairs, ("C'mon momma, lemme play with the big kids!")

Gordon: I wanna kiss Janet! C'mere sweetcheeks, lemme lick ya lippies!

Janet: Who invited him down here?

Magenta raises her hand,

Janet: You're a very very very very very very bad seed!

Rockford: Sun-flowa!

Brad: Are we starting this or what? I'm not getting any younger and I don't think Randall's little sex-fantasy is gonna last another second.

Randall meanwhile is staring into space licking an imaginary person.

Randall: GO FASTER! (throws invisible money into the air.) Makin' it raaaaiiiiin!

Brad: Janet, you go first.

Janet: Mmm, okay... Is everybody wearing protection?

Eddie: WE'RE ONLY KISSING, YOU FUCKIN' PRUDE!

Janet: You rudey-head! I just... I don't want any *giggle* _STDS!_

Magenta: AAAAAGGGHHH! NOBODY HAS AN STD HERE! JUST SPIN THE DAMN THANG!

Ralph: Ooh, God, Magenta loosened my filling! YOWCH!

Janet spins and it lands on Eddie.

Eddie: Aw fuck.

Janet: Oh poopies!

Janet leans in, cringing, starts out lightly but begins to really dig in, until both kids are laying on the ground in a squirming heap of leather jacket and bra. Gordon covers Ralph's eyes. Betty is sobbing,

Betty: OH! MY POOR LITTLE EYES! IT WAS LIKE THE P-WORD!

Magenta: What? you're insane.

Randall: She means... _ppppppoooooorrrrrrnnnnnnnn..._

Eddie sits up, he has lip gloss smeared across the visible majority of his skin. He spins the bottle. It lands on Gordon.

Gordon: Oh hell no, I aint's no frickin' Frank. I don't even kiss ma own damn girlfrien'!

Eddie: Will you straighten up?

Gordon: Straight really isn't the word for this sit-chee-ation, Eduardo.

Eddie: That isn't my name.

Brad's hand shoots up,

Brad: Okay, you bone-heads, If y'all don't wanna go, I'll go.

Brad spins and stops the bottle when it lands on Magenta.

Janet: Every... Single... Time.

Magenta: I'm goin' in deep y'all!

Frank: Brad, be nice to the little baby.

Brad: OOOOh yeah, I'mma be _real_ nice.

Magenta: Nice in bed. Should we go away, somewhere?

Randall: I'm teeellling!

Magenta: I meant we're having a platonic picnic, shut up, not in bed...

* * *

><p>That night, the sleepover. The kids are all lined up on Ralph's basement floor, Randall and Betty are in one sleeping bag, Magenta hears a noise upstairs,<p>

Magenta: Brad, did you hear that? Wake up!

Brad: Momma, th'cookie's chasin' meee, it-got braces-AAAAAAHHHHH! IT'S BITIN' MA LEG!

Magenta punches Brad,

Brad: Ouchie... WHOA, GOD, MAGENTA! That didn't hurt one little ounce...

Magenta: Somebody's upstairs,

Randall: I can hear them too.

Magenta: HOLY SHIT! CAN YOU TRY TELLING US WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE INSTEAD OF SCARING THE PISS OUTTA ME?

Randall: hehe, So-rry...

Janet sits bolt-upright and begins to pass out fruity condoms to everybody, Brad gets a Lemon flavored one.

Brad: Hey, Magenta, what's your favorite fruit?

Magenta: Strawberry...

Brad: Frank, I'll trade ya.

Frank: Okay! I like lemons!

The noise gets louder,

Eddie: Everyone grab a weapon!

Each kid grabs the closest inanimate object to them and hurls it at the thing coming down the stairs, which is...

...

...

...

Kate Hapschatt wearing a carrot costume.

Kate: Something hit me! A Wii Remote!

Brad: Sorry, that was me.

Kate: Who threw a chicken nugget?

Betty: Me! I had it in my bra for a special occasion!

Randall: So that's why you always taste like McDonald's...

The awkward conversation is interrupted by Ralph choking on his Pineapple condom.

Rockford: I have to go pee-pee...

Betty: You're a yucky slobmuffin.

* * *

><p>After the party, the girls go shopping, when Magenta gets home at 7:55 she watches a Daniel Radcliffe marathon (consisting the first two Harry Potter movies.) until she goes to bed, she is beginning to undress and take her makeup off when she notices something on her bed, the thing moves and she loses it, waking everyone up, coincedentally, her dad, Jake McAllistor is staying over,<p>

Magenta: HOLY FUUUUCCCCKKK! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Randall: Ugh, dumb bitch, lemme finish this dream, Betty's takin' off her clothes...

London Alvarado: What is it, Princess?"

Jake McAllistor: What the devil are ya doin' in there?

Magenta: THERE'S A CREEPER IN MY ROOM!

Magenta grabs a stiletto heel and begins to beat the marauder, after a while, realizing it's her boyfriend,

Magenta: Brad? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?

Brad: I thought I'd drop by... You look stunning in just a tank top, socks and panties, take your skirt off more often.

Magenta: You know what, you're disgusting. (throws lipstick at his head)

Columbia, Betty and Janet pop their heads in the window,

Janet: SLUMBER PARTY, Y'ALL! I BROUGHT BROWNIES!

Columbia: I see you two are already busy... with each other...

Betty: Are you wearing a T-H-O-N-G?

Magenta snaps the straps of the thong on her waist,

Betty: EWWW! SO INAPP-PRO-PRO!

Brad: Girl, you've hit rock-bottom in terms of friends.

Magenta: Shut up.

Brad: As you wish, _buttercup..._

Magenta: THIS IS NOT THE PRINCESS BRIDE, BRAD!

Janet: I'll be your princess bride, Brad.

Brad: Shut up, Janet.

Janet: As you wish, Brad, darling...

Randall comes into the room, he is wearing hot pink boxers with SEX written across the ass in big letters,

Randall: Whoah, living dream! Betty's in the house! OH SHIT, SISTER ASS! (runs away screaming down the hall!)

Magenta: Y'all, my parents are here, you know that, right?

Betty: I had a sour key before I got here, it was yummy-in-my-tummy-deliciousness-ocity!

Columbia: I emailed your parents that there's a parent conference going on about lead paint at school!

Jake and London pop in,

Jake: Okay, kids, we're leaving, babysit the goldfish.

Magenta: We don't have a goldfish.

Jake: Well, babysit the mould under Randy's bed.

Randall from down the hall: HELL NO, I JUST VACUUMED!

London: Kids, we're leaving, no cooking with oil, no stripping, no drugs, no booze, no dirty movies, and absolutely NO illegal activities, bye!

The parents leave and Randall comes into Magenta's room,

Randall: Hey you disgusting slut-balls, I hate you, Brad.

Brad: The feeling is mutual, you suburban dipshit.

Randall: That's real nice, you know I'm related to your girlfriend and I can end your relationship with just a licorice cigar, a spray bottle and a rusty spoon? Can I trip you into a burning pit of lies and pain and despair where all is evil and immoral? Just kidding, Randy don't roll that way, Randy plays it cool, in fact, I'm so cool I can get away with almost anything, including dropping wasps down the back of that absolutely horrendous sweater you've got on.

Brad: Magenta, do you think my sweater's ugly?

Magenta: You're not wearing one.

Brad: Oh, shucks, I can't believe I let that nuthouse trick me.

Randall: That's how cool I am, dick.

Brad: My name is not Dick! It is Bradley Holden Majors!

Randall: Okay, can I hurt you, right here?

Columbia: THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM, Y'ALL! BRAD, RANDY MEANT _YOU'RE_ A DICK! RANDY, YOU TRICKED BRAD, YAY, GOLD STAR FOR RANDALL ADAM WHATEVER MIDDLE NAMES YOU HAVE ALVARADO MCALLISTOR! MAGENTA, I CAN SEE YOUR BUNS! BETTY, YOU SMELL LIKE SEX, HOW 'BOUT A SHOWER? JANET, YOU'RE A LITTLE WEIRD, JUST A TOUCH TOO CATHOLIC FOR ME! EDDIE AND ROCKFORD AND RALPH AND FRANK WHEREVER YOU ARE, YOU GUYS ARE LUCKY BITCHES YOU AREN'T HERE!

Frank pops into the window: Hey dumbfucks! Like my new boustier? WHOAH! MAGENTA! THONG DRECKITUDE! THE SEQUINS ARE AWFUL ON YOU! OH, AND RANDY, you CANNOT pull of that shade of pink! It says Sex on the ass! Are you hinting? Because I'm not interested, suburban slut!

Randall: And I wasn't interested when you forced me to go on a tour of your closet, I think I'm still gagging on rhinestones.

Frank: Suck it, Blonde Bieber.

Randall throws a thing of Magenta's lipstick at Frank's head, he catches it, opens it, and cringes,

Frank: SICKO!

Magenta: What?

Frank: This is SOOOO not your shade! It cuh-lashes!

Magenta: You... maaaaaaannnnn.

Frank bursts into sobs and falls off the window-sill.

Janet: That went well...

Frank: It's okay! None of my blood got on your ugly lipstick!

Magenta: Glad to hear it!


	5. A Magical Sins Christmas Special

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch to people she knows but quiet to the rest of the world, antisocial little creeper... 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note; This chapter is the ChristmasHannukah special, This chapter is going to address what the holidays are all about, and is going to include some crude humour and some drama, such a _Sins_ special! Well, that _is_ kind of the point, and this chapter is going to be partially tied into Deleted Scenes, and y'all will see why Frank hates Magenta so much, and just how jealous Janet is, oh, and Brad will have another horny breakdown. Enjoy it and Happy freakin' holidays!**

**...**

Janet's POV. Homeroom, 1st period. Thought process.

Today is the last day of school until the holidays, that means that tonight is the annual Denton Elementary/High Christmas pageant, and we all know what that means, it means that Magenta will sing O Holy Night, everyone will cry, and it'll be another year where my mother makes me wear that stupid dress. _**(looks at Magenta, who is talking to** **Brad in a corner of the homeroom) **_Ugh, forget her, she's practically a toddler, I tried calling Brad a pedophile, I tried threatening her, I tried everything but nothing works, Ralph keeps sending me signals, Eddie too, but it's that Rockford kid that really got my attention from the start, damn it, I still can't just get over the fact that I've been letting her steal him away for seven whole years and I haven't done anything, thats it, this year I'm going to tell him how I feel.

Magenta's POV. Homeroom, 1st period. Thought process.

Today is the last day of school until the holidays, that means that tonight is the annual Denton Elementary/High Christmas pageant, and we all know what that means, it means that I'll sing O Holy Night, people will love it and Janet will look like a dork in a dress that makes her look like a baby nun. _**(looks at Janet, who is staring back from across** **the room.) **_Ugh, forget her, she's about as sexy as a potato in a _hijab_. Damn it, I still can't just get over the fact that she and Brad are supposed to be a thing, too bad for her, I've been keeping my feelings for Brad a secret, but this year I'm going to tell him how I feel.

* * *

><p>Staying after school, preparing for the Christmas pageant.<p>

Ms Ratishki: Okay, so we're going to do something a little different this year, this year, Magenta, yes, you will be singing your song, but this year, we're going to REALLY highlight what this GLOOOOOORIUS holiday is all about, with the classic cliche Christmas play, Brad and Magenta, I would like you two to play Mary and Joseph.

Janet: I really believe the girl playing The Blessed Virgin Mother should actually _be_ a _legitimate_ VIRGIN!

Magenta: Don't _make_ me take you to the carpet.

Janet: Rhymes-with-witch please.

Magenta: Let's just say that I **_am_** a virgin and Janet is full of BS.

Janet: Oh, yeah, sure.

Magenta: At least I'm not a freakin' stripper!

Janet: DON'T YOU DARE BRING MY SUMMER JOB INTO THIS! I thought it was baby_sitting_, not baby_making_. That Asian job lady didn't quite get it...

Magenta: Yeah, blame it on the old immigrant, that's fine...

Brad: Alright, you grapes, let's speed up this shoit, I gotta date with my Mary after this.

Magenta: We're going skating.

Ralph: WHERE WHERE? I'll come along and STALK you!

...

At the rink, Magenta is waiting with Betty, Ralph talked her and Brad into letting them come along, Ralph comes out onto the ice,

Ralph: Hello, girls, Brad's gonna be another little while, he's still getting ready.

Brad comes onto the ice, it takes Magenta a while to notice his feet. He's wearing roller-blades.

Magenta: My hero...

Betty: SILLY BRAD! Silly silly silly...

Magenta (mockingly): SILLY SILLY SILLY, go help him, you dumbass!

Betty: I can't...

Magenta: Why not?

Betty: I can't skate. I crawled over here.

Ralph: I'll go help Brad.

Brad from across the rink: I'M FINE, JUST FREAKIN' PEACHY! RALPH, YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME WHAT KIND OF SKATING WE WERE DOING!

* * *

><p>First rehearsal for the play,<p>

Ms Ratishki: Okay, little rabbits of evil, let's go over our lines.

Magenta: Little rabbits of evil? That's a new one.

Ms Ratishki: You little ingrate! I don't give a crap if you're a blessed virgin, you're a student and I can still tear you apart!

Frank: Your apple pie don't taste too nice, Janet.

Janet: What can I expect you to be discussing?

Magenta: You wouldn't know, you're a VIIIIIRRRRRGGGGIINNN!

Janet: Watch it, little missy. Oh, right, I'M OLDER THAN YOU!

Ralph: I think she pwned you...

Magenta grabs the shepherd stick out of Ralph's hand and starts to beat him with it.

Randall: And I thought having to play a sheep would be boring...

Magenta: You know, I'd hit you too, but, sadly, I'm against animal abuse.

Randall stands up and Baaaaaaa's in Magenta's ear.

Ms Ratishki:OKAY, PLACES EVERYONE! LET'S GO FROM THE INN SCENE.

The children begin to act, only interrupted when Randall bites Eddie on the ass as he's giving the gift of myrrh.

Eddie: MY BUTT'S ON FIRE!

Randall: I'm a sheep, just doing my job.

Eddie: YOU STUPID PRICK!

Randall: If you're gonna insult me you can call me any of these names; Mutton, Lambchop, Roast, Suburban Cotton Swab, or Lice-infested Living Sweater, but not Prick, Jesus Christ!

The 1st grader (Darcy Pringle) playing Jesus sits up in the manger,

Darcy Pringle: THAT'S ME!

Magenta shoves Darcy's head down into the manger,

Magenta: Pipe down, Junior.

Columbia: Child Abuse...

Magenta: At least I'm not an Inn-Keeper's wife.

Frank: How did I get cast as a damn hobo Inn-Giblet?

Ms Ratishki: Not true, biatch, you're also playing the Angel Gabriel.

Frank: Can I be the Angel _Gabriella_ instead?

Ms Ratishki: Whatever works...

Darcy Pringle: I just peed the hay.

* * *

><p>Alvarado home, after school. London is anxiously waiting for her husband to come for Christmas. The first Christmas the Alvarado family has had together since London and Jake's of her children are in their rooms getting presentable.<p>

London waited a few hours until Magenta burst out of her room in a tight-ass dress.

Magenta: I'M. HOT.

Randall: YOU'RE. NOT.

London: Will you children calm down, your father is on his way and you still smell like school and bacteria.

Magenta: I can't shower now... My hair might explode...

Randall: My room's really cold, and if I freeze, you'll get carted away to the state pen.

London: Where the hell-

Randall: I learned it in kindergarten.

London: Damn that teacher who let you watch Soap Operas at nap-time.

Randall: My favourite was the one with the teacher, and the doctor and the homeless woman who married the Greek Orthodox priest.

London: Oh, right, the one that taught you such valuable lessons as 'first come first serve' and 'every biatch for themselves.'.

Magenta: HOW BOUT ENGAGING ME IN THIS LOVELY CONVERSATION?

Randall: Dream on, sis.

Magenta kicks Randall with her pointy-toed heels and runs away down the hall.

Randall: Am I bleeding?

London: Nope, you're good. Well, I'm leaving you brats to settle your dispute, I need to make fondue, your dad likes it and I'm thinking of lacing it with pecans, make his tongue blow up... he he he he he...

Randall: And people ask why _I'm_ weird. The nutty Alvarado apple neeeeeeeeeeeeever falls far from the tree.

London: You're a baaaaaaaaaaad child.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile; Majors Home. After school. Brad and his brothers are watching The Big Bang Theory when Evie and Mark Majors come into the living room with two packed suitcases.<p>

Evie: Boys, your daddy an' I have somethin' we wanna tell y'all.

Steve: Oh, shit, did Gramma die?

Mark: Now, Steve, remember what I told ya 'bout usin' th' S-word.

Steve: It's sinful, I know...

Evie: No, nobody died, but, we'd like to say that, Markie, wanna do th' honours?

Mark: Why yes I will, Eve, boys... We're going to Nebraska for Christmas.

Brad: _**WHAT**_**?**

Mark: I thought you'd be excited, you'll be visiting your father's homeland!

Brad: I promised my girlfriend I'd be home for Christmas.

Evie: Now, Brad, hon, remember what I told you about making Janet promises. And it's not y'aller married or nothin'.

Brad: Have you been listening to me at all when you ask me 'What's done being new, hon, y'all, tractor, cow, y'all, Cousin Bobby-Sue's booberoonie implants, y'all y'all y'all y'all y'all y'all y'all HAAAAAYYYYYYY.

Evie: I never talk 'bout hay an' you know it.

Brad: Remember last night when you came into my room and asked if I was INFLAMED from the hay in the auditorium for the play?

Evie: I love my sons, is that a sin?

Brad: Sin? Damn, you are Texan.

Evie slams her hand onto the coffee table,

Evie: BRADLEY HOLDEN MAJORS, DON'T USE THOSE SWEARING WORDS!

Jonathan: Are we really going to the land of corn?

Steve: Am I getting my very own phone for Christmas?

Brad: ARE YOU STUPID ADULTS REALLY AGAINST LOOOOOOOOVE?

Evie: Yes, No, No.

Steve: Shuckeroonie.

Evie: Ah, Stevie, you're from my side.

* * *

><p>One day later, the Christmas Pageant. Everyone is backstage going over their lines, Magenta is doing the girl's and Frank's makeup.<p>

Janet: Don't come near me with that sick makeup, unlike you, I'm staying true to myself and looking the virgin part. While you're merely wearing _pink _instead of red lipstick.

Magenta: Janet, you're the UNDERSTUDY! And I'm here, I'm doing the play.

Brad: Yeah, extra angel/Mary understudy, my blessed virgin is ready to act!

Janet: Act like a virgin? She's Magenta, it isn't possible for her.

Brad: You stop that.

Brad pulls Magenta away by the hand and Frank comes over,

Frank: What the hell was that all about?

Janet: Brad, is denying his love for me.

Frank: He stood you up?

Janet: Again!

Frank: Has it ever crossed your mind that he isn't interested?

Janet: Oh, he's interested, yesterday, he said hi to me at the bus stop! And he looked at me for more than 10 seconds!

Frank: And who was with him?

Janet: His slut girlfriend.

Frank: Exactly.

Janet: I need your help, you know all about impressing guys, can you help me?

Frank: Maybe... For a price?

Janet: Like my shoes?

Frank: Ooh, they _are_ cute! What size?

Janet: 10.

Frank: Perfect. Who picked them out?

Janet: Magenta. SHOOT!

Frank: The hard part is, you're still friends with her.

Janet: Oh, no, it's a one-sided relationship. She's such a little girl, she thinks I like her only because I told her and she's a gullible little skank...

Frank: You're my kind of woman. Let's go.

Janet and Frank set off to the girl's washroom. Brad and Randall go into audience to find Principal Ratishki.

Ratishki: Oh, boys, to what the hell do I owe the damn not-at-all-an honour?

Brad: We were going to ask if you liked our set.

Randall: We worked very hard!

Ratishki: Ehhhh, I've seen better.

Brad: WHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTT?

Principal Ratishki stands up and flips Brad,

Ratishki: Oh, look, a little boy fell.

Randall: Good one...

Ratishki: Wanna be next?

Randall: No sir! I mean, ma'am, I mean, Happy holidays...

Randall runs away with Principal Ratishki close behind.

...

The birth of Darcy scene. Darcy failed to show up so his understudy, Carlito Flanagan, is filling in. Three third graders from the elementary school are playing shepherds. Randall thinks this is BS because he's 'taller than his own damn herders.'.

Magenta: He's our saviour!

Brad: And he's ours!

Magenta: Yes, Joseph, he's ours. Our little angel!

Janet from behind the set: BO-RING!

Magenta: What's this? Three kings!

Eddie: The new king! I bring you the gift of myyyyyyyyyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!

Magenta: (no need to stretch it out, Eddie!)

Eddie: (I didn't know how to say it!)

Brad: (WE'RE ON STAGE!)

Ralph: Ummm, I bring the gift of... this here paper gold bar!

Rockford: Frank sent this.

Frank: REPRESENT!

Magenta: A VOICE FROM HEAVEN!

Brad: Oh, look, shepherds! With a little sheep!

Randall: BA.

Shepherd 1: What a nice little kid.

Shepherd 2: (I WET MY PANTS!)

Brad: (NOT A BIG DEAL!)

Shepherd 2: (YEAH, BIG DEAL! I'M FLOATING IN MY SHOES!)

Randall: (SO THAT'S WHY YOU SMELL SO DISGUSTING!)

Shepherd 3: (HEY, SHEEP, YOU CAN'T PLUG YOUR NOSE! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THUMBS!)

Randall: (YOU'RE MAKING A PUDDLE! LEMME HANDLE IT!)

Randall lies down on the puddle and soaks up the piss with his wool before the audience has time to notice. Shepherd 1 creates a cover,

Shepherd 1: OH DEAR! MY LITTLE SHEEP IS DYING!

Ralph: The pee-pee sheepy!

Shepherd 3: His yellow baa-baa blood is soaking through his fleece!

Carlito jumps out of the manger.

Carlito: I CAN HELP! BABY JESUS TO THE RESCUE!

Magenta: THAT'S MY BOY!

Carlito does a voodoo dance over Randall, while the audience stares in horror, London contemplates taking Randall out of her will.

Carlito: HIYAYA HIYAYA HIYAYA HIYA-HOYA, ZAP!

Randall: I'm alive! I mean, BAA!

Carlito runs offstage screaming Price Tag by Jessie J,

Ms Ratishki from offstage: (WRAP IT UP! WE'RE OUT OF TIME!)

Magenta: AND IT WAS AAAALL A DREAM!

Randall runs to the front of the stage and tears off his pee-saturated sheep costume,

Randall: I'M SUBURBAN!

The curtain closes.

...

The kids go backstage, Janet is scowling her ass off. A familiar-looking woman with long, black, curly hair and amber skin that makes most of the boys, (except of course, Brad and Rockford.) sweat like hell. It takes a while for Magenta to fully notice who exactly she is.

Azisiekah: Kids, that was great.

Frank: Oh my God, Miss Collins?

Azisiekah holds up her right hand, on her ring finger is a gold wedding ring,

Azisiekah: I'm Mrs Leefolt now. Mrs Jerry Leefolt. I got married the summer after y'all were in my class.

Magenta: You married the guy who was setting up our bouncy castle for Thanksgiving?

Azisiekah: Exactly. Come with me, I wanna talk to y'all.

The kids follow Azisiekah farther backstage, they all sit on some of the benches set up back there,

Azisiekah: So, it's been seven years.

Eddie: Sure as hell feels like less.

Frank: Mrs Leefolt-

Azisiekah: You can call me Azisiekah now.

Frank: Azisiekah, this is our new transfer student, Rockford. He moved here from California.

Azisiekah: Didn't you tell me about a kid named Rockford who lived in California when you were in my class?

Frank: Same Rockford.

Rockford: Hi.

Azisiekah: I miss y'all, you were, by far, my favourite class, also my first, I've never met a child who was quite as unique as you, Frank, or as smart as you, Magenta. But, I came here to tell you some exciting news.

Columbia: What's that?

Azisiekah: I'm the new school guidance counsellor. I'm not quitting teaching, but I need extra money and the high school and the elementary school are on the same campus, I'll only work as the guidance counsellor Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Janet: So we'll see you then?

Azisiekah nods and stands up,

Azisiekah: It was great to see y'all again, I'll see you around, But I have to go now, see you tomorrow.

The whole class: See you tomorrow.

...

Alvarado home after the play. London and her children are in the living room. London has just broken the news that Jake will indeed not be returning for Christmas. Randall seems fine with it but Magenta is staring blankly into space,

London: Princess, are you okay?

Randall pokes Magenta and she keels over sideways,

London: Randy, why?

Randall: Just helping!

London: You're not helping at all!

Randall: And how is that my problem?

London: I've had enough of you. Go to bed.

Randall: It's only 8:00.

London: You'll wake up bright and early tomorrow for school.

Randall: You're an abusive mother.

London: Far from that, kid. Shift it.

* * *

><p>The next day at school, Magenta walks into class to find the rest of the 9th grade huddled around a computer.<p>

Magenta: What're y'all looking at?

Janet: You sick trollop. How can you say that? You know perfectly well what we're looking at!

Brad: I don't know what I did to deserve this. I thought you loved me.

Magenta: I do love you! You know I-

Brad grabs the laptop, stands up and pulls Magenta outside,

Brad: I saw the video, I know everything.

Magenta: I have no idea-

Brad holds up the computer, on the screen is a grainy video of a blonde, buff boy violently banging a girl with Magenta's hair,

Brad: Did you have sex with Rocky?

Magenta: No! I would never-

Brad: Why do you have to be such a whore?

Tears start to come into Magenta's eyes,

Brad: No, no, I didn't mean it that way-

Magenta: YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WOULD NEVER CALL ME THAT!

Magenta runs into the girl's bathroom sobbing her eyes out.

...

Brad's phone rings, he's sitting in the kitchen at home drowning his problems in ice cream like Columbia does whenever she gets a paper cut.

Brad: Who is it?

Ralph: It's me, Ralph.

Brad: Oh, I thought you'd be Magenta.

Ralph: Yeah, that's actually why I called you, you see, Magenta won't be calling you.

Brad: Why? Is she okay?

Ralph: I have to tell you something, last night, Randall called me, Magenta's at the hospital. She overdosed on painkillers. She was committing suicide.

Brad: WHICH HOSPITAL IS SHE AT?

Ralph: There's only one hospital in Dento- Brad, are you there? Why the hell did he hang up?

Brad tosses his phone into the kitchen sink,

Brad: MOM! I NEED A RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL!

Evie from upstairs: WHY, DID YOU HURT Y'SELF, HON?

...

Brad runs into the lobby of the hospital and up to the front desk,

Brad: I'm looking for a Magenta Alvarado.

Hello My Name Is Andrea: And what's your name, Bun?

Brad: Bun?

Hello My Name Is Andrea: Yes.

Brad: Brad Majors.

Hello My Name Is Andrea: That's a nice name, Bun. Room 2-a. It's right on the second floor.

Brad: Thank you.

Hello My Name Is Andrea: And if I were you, I would have brought flowers, or a card or something.

Brad: Suck it, Andrea.

Brad makes his way upstairs to Magenta's room, only to see her mother coming out of her room,

London: Oh, Brad, hi.

Brad: How is she?

London: She's okay for now, she had to have her stomach pumped, so she's sleeping it off, Randall went home yesterday, she was pretty broken up because her dad isn't coming home for Christmas.

Brad: No, she's broken up because I called her a whore, a sex tape of her and Rockford leaked onto YouTube.

London: What?

Brad: A video of her and Rockford having sex in his room.

London: That's funny, she's been home for the past few days, are you sure it was his room?

Brad: Yeah, almost certain.

London: You can just go in...

London opens the door and Brad finds Magenta asleep in a bed next to a window. London leaves the room and Brad sits down next to the bed and shakes her gently,

Brad: I'm so sorry.

Magenta opens her eyes,

Magenta: Please go away.

Brad: I'm here to apologize. If that was you in that video, I'm perfectly fine with that.

Magenta: I wasn't in any video.

Brad: You're telling me the truth, right?

Magenta: I wouldn't lie to you.

Brad: Why would you try to kill yourself? You know I love you, was this partly because your dad isn't coming home?

Magenta: I guess.

Brad: You're not a whore.

Brad takes Magenta out of bed and carries her to the windowseat.

Brad: Do you want to have _real_ sex with me?

Magenta: I can go home tomorrow. Let's wait until then.

* * *

><p>Brad and Magenta go to school together the next day. School lets out right on the 23rd. It's lightly flurrying, very romantic, the romance lasts until Janet comes over,<p>

Janet: Hey Brad, Brad's tramp.

Brad: Leave her alone.

Janet: Why are you still defending her? We both know she's been filming dirty movies with Rockford.

Brad: That wasn't her.

Janet: How do you know? The girl in the video has her hair. The exact hair... Those pretty red curls.

Janet starts to touch Magenta's braid but Brad slaps her hand away.

Janet: Violent! A gentleman never hits a lady.

Brad: You can go fuck yourself.

Janet: Why? I'll get Magenta to do it for me. She's desperate.

Brad starts to turn red and punches Janet in the nose.

Magenta: BRAD!

Janet: I'M BLEEDING!

Principal Ratishki comes over...

* * *

><p>Brad is sitting in the office.<p>

Ratishki: Why. In the hell. Would you do something like this?

Brad: She was taunting another student.

Ratishki: Still, your retaliation was completely inappropriate.

Brad: Mrs Ratishki, if I may, what Janet said was inappropriate. She accused my girlfriend of filming a sex tape.

Ratishki: A... sex... tape?

Brad: Yeah, you know, like porn. I'll show you...

Ratishki: Yech...

Brad shows Ratishki the video, she scoffs,

Ratishki: The girl in the video looks nothing like your girlfriend. Just that hair.

Brad: ENOUGH WITH THE HAIR!

Brad stands up and leaves.

...

Magenta walks into homeroom again, the second she walks in the entire class looks up, of course Brad is still in the office.

Magenta: Hi.

Janet: You're disgusting and a whore.

Magenta: If this is about Brad, or the video-

Janet: Neither.

Janet holds up a picture of Magenta with and altered body and wearing nothing but a few black straps.

Betty: So much for Virgin Mary.

Eddie: Is that really what's under that uniform?

Frank: I'd tap _that_.

Brad comes into the class.

Brad: What's happening? Magenta, baby, Are you okay?

Janet hands Brad the poster,

Brad: You sick bitch.

Janet: Wow, Brad, she's quite the catch.

Brad: You should be ashamed of yourself.

Brad pulls Magenta away by the hand, taking her into the girl's washroom.

...

After school, Columbia and Betty are at Janet's house. They're all in her room, Columbia is on YouTube, Betty is reading a magazine and Janet is doing nothing. Columbia turns off YouTube and breaks the silence,

Columbia: Hey Janet, remember those shoes you were wearing last week? The black ones... with the white straps.

Janet: Yeah, what about them?

Columbia: Where are they?

Janet: In my closet.

Columbia digs through Janet's closet, she doesn't find the shoes, but a red wig and the same red lingerie Magenta had been wearing in the video.

Columbia: What's this?

Janet: Oh, um, I can explain-

Columbia: You'd look a hell of a lot like a girl I know named Magenta McAllistor-Alvarado. You know her, she's 12, but she skipped two grades because of her above-average intelligence.

Janet: Columbia-

Columbia: I'm calling Brad. I'm going to call Magenta after that. And I'm going to tell Mrs Ratishki tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Brad's house. That night. Magenta is staying at Brad's house for the night because London and Evie want 'the kids to bond together'. Brad's brothers Jonathan and Steve are both in love with Magenta and are waiting outside Brad's bedroom door. Magenta is almost asleep and Brad is stroking her hair as her eyes start to close.<p>

Brad: I'm so sorry I let Janet say those things.

Magenta: I'm just glad everyone found out it was her. But we should go to sleep.

Magenta puts an arm around Brad's shoulder and pulls him to her level on the mattress, covering the two of them with the sheets.

Brad: Goodnight.

Magenta: Goodnight, hey, I have a question.

Brad: What's that?

Magenta: Are you just being nice to me?

Brad: No. I love you. You're beautiful, and sweet, and smart, and you're amazing. And I love you.

Magenta: I love you too. You're sexy, and sweet and smart and I want to be with you forever.

Magenta closes her eyes and quickly falls asleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning at school. Janet is absent, obviously suspended. The tension in class is gone and everyone is excited for school to let out for Christmas break. Frank, however, is still oblivious to the fact that it was Janet and is still pissed at Magenta. Ms Ratishki comes into class looking ever sluttier than usual in a Christmas stripper costume.<p>

Rockford: Miz R look priddy.

Ms Ratishki: Thanks, little bodybuilder-skank-ass.

Columbia: I don't dress like that.

Brad: You dress sluttier.

Columbia: Shut up. I'm Jewish. I can't be _Christmas_ stripper...

Betty: I'm picturing you just wearing three little dreydls...

The class goes silent.

Ms Ratishki: Anyway, in honour of this last day of school until the Janya-rary.

Brad: January, smart-ass.

Ms Ratishki: Laps, mister.

Brad: I'm goin'.

Brad stands up and begins to jog around the classroom.

* * *

><p>December 24th. Brad and Magenta are sitting together at Azisiekah's Christmas party. Her dogs are all passed out on the second floor of her house.<p>

Brad: I think this is the first time I've kissed you in public.

Magenta: Probably. Hey, Brad?

Brad: Yeah?

Magenta: You're my Christmas miracle.

Brad and Magenta lean in. Outside, fresh snow is beginning to fall.

**_AND THAT IS THE END OF THE SINS OF THE HIGH SCHOOL FLESH CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!_**

**_AKANE LOVES Y'ALL!_**

**_R&R!_**


	6. Auld Lang Sins

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch to people she knows but quiet to the rest of the world, antisocial little creeper... 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Auld Lang Sins. And no, this is NOT the year Brad knocks Magenta up, she's only 12, you pigs...<strong>

December 30th. It's snowing like a nut. Brad and his brothers are trapped inside and Evie Majors is blasting Dolly Parton at an evil volume. Steve and Jonathan are line-dancing and Brad is desperately trying to block out the sound of Jolene as it reminds him of Janet's perspective on Bradgenta.

Evie: C'MON, BRAD, DANCE WITH ME!

Brad: No thank you.

Steve: BRAD, IT'S FUN, TRY IT! SHAKE THAT THANG, JON!

Jonathan: NO DANGER THERE, PARDNER, I'M WIIILD ON TH' DANCE FLOOR!

Brad: I dislike this.

Brad makes a thumbs-down, mimicking Facebook.

Evie: Aw, c'mon, now, Brad, don't you trying usin' th' FaceTube against y' momma.

Brad: The FaceTube? Wow, no wonder I like Magenta's parents better.

Evie: Who's that?

Brad: My girlfriend. The one you call either Mikayla, Montana, Miranda, Malia, Maria, Marina, Marisa, Maybelline, Maxine, Marcia, Marci, Macy, or, more recently, SUZIE-LEE!

Evie: Oh, Her. Now, I told you to stay away from that girl. She has the N.U.T.T.Y disease!

Brad: The nutty disease?

Evie: Nutty stands for Nutty, Unfortunate, Terrible, Terrifyin', Y'all disease! Or, just plain weird.

Brad (facetiously): Oh, no! Can I catch it?

Evie (whispering:) Yes! It's real catchin'!

Steve: Cooties?

Evie: Nutty.

Steve: OH NO! NOT NUTTY!

Evie: Yes Nutty! HIDE YA KIDS, HIDE YA WIFE, HIDE YA HUBBEH!

Mark comes out of the next room,

Mark: Hide me? Where?

Evie: From the Nutty disease.

Evie kisses Mark on the mouth, Steve gags and grabs his throat,

Steve: EEEYUUCK!

Evie: Now, symptoms of Nutty are as follows, voluminous hair, lotsa makeup wearin', black clothes, g-normous bras, heels, creepy-ocity, nail polish in the Devil's colour, (red), Or, just bein'... Not Janet! Just like that girl you're courtin'!

Brad: Magenta must be terminal.

Evie: Poor little girl. Aw well, who wants grits?

Steve and Jonathan: I DOES, I DOES!

Brad: Am I all alone here?

Mark: You're all _Nebraskan_. LIKE ME!

Brad: I have nothing to say to that. Absolutely nothing.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Weiss home. Janet, Lindsey and Adrienne are making brownies. Susan Weiss is watching Oprah.<p>

Lindsey: Guess what, y'all! Jonathan asked me out!

The girls clap and Adrienne announces her news,

Adrienne: Well, me and Steve are going someplace, I dunno hwhere, but I know it gone happen, I been prayin'... And unlike you, Linz, God always answers _myyyy_ prayers!

Janet: I been courtin' Eddie.

The other girls administer the sign of the Cross on continuous loop until Adrienne blurts out,

Adrienne: HE'S ON TH' DEVIL'S SIDE!

Lindsey: He wears animals! LEATHER!

Janet: Now, y'all know 'bout what happened with Brad.

Lindsey: Oh, yeah, your lil' escapade with a disguise. You got booted outta skewl!

Adrienne: DON'T LET MOMMA HEAR!

Janet: Yeah! She'd burn me like a witch! Or worse, (she'd burn me like Brad's new girlfriend's gone get burned!)

Lindsey and Adrienne: AMEN!

* * *

><p>That night, Columbia's family is having a New Years party, Magenta and Randall are carpooling with Brad and his brothers. All five are squished into the back seat, suddenly Magenta makes a gagging noise.<p>

Brad: Are you okay?

Magenta: Yeah, I just think Steve might have a boner, something doesn't feel right over here.

Jonathan: Oops, that would be me.

Magenta, Brad and Randall smack Jonathan on the ear.

Jonathan: Honey, is it my fault you're _hot_?

Magenta: You're a dick.

Jonathan: Hot.

Magenta: Dick.

Jonathan: HOT

Magenta: DIIIIICK!

Evie turns around in the front seat,

Evie: Will you kids calm it down back thar?

Magenta: Your oldest son is trying to violate me.

Evie: JONNY! NOW REMEMBER HWHAT I TELLED YA 'BOUT BEING SEXY WITH GIRLS! SHE COULD GETCHA PREGGO!

Magenta: Actually, it's the other way around.

Evie: Please dear, I wuddn't born yesterday. I know hwhere babes come from.

Magenta: You've had three sons, and who gave birth to them?

Evie: Me, it was a mix-up, that's how my boys got to be so dang unholy.

Magenta: I'll never understand trailer-trash.

Brad: Me either, sometimes I think I was adopted.

Evie: Imma tellya how you got borned on up, Brad. First o' all, I was drunk and ya daddy done had two much chawk-lit, now y'all boys know how daddy gets wit' chawk-lit, and I was hwearing these, booty shorts wit' a pink suede fringe, real cowgirl sheeeek, an' we sinned, an' then hwe hade a priddy lil' baby Bradley!

Randall: With my parents, it broke.

Evie: Hwhat breaked, honey, ya momma's holiness?

Magenta" I can see where this is going and it's not good at all.

Randall: I'll give you a hint, it tastes like... _chawk-lit_. **(the condom was chocolate-flavoured.)**

Evie: Lordy...

Steve: MOMMA! YOU DONE TOOKED TH' LORD'S NAME IN VAIN!

Magenta: God god god god god-

Steve: SINNER!

The car pulls up in Columbia's driveway, Kaycee Cole greets everyone at the door,

Kaycee: HEEEEYYYY! ARE YOU KIDDIES READY TO PARTY? I WAS READY THREE WEEKS AGO! C'MON IN! WEE!

Everyone walks into the large Cole house, Janet, Columbia, Betty, Rockford, Frank, Eddie and Ralph and their families are all there. Frank and Rockford are making gay kisses in a corner, Janet is scowling, Ralph is counting his fingers, always losing count at six, Eddie and Columbia are sitting together and sharing a piece of shrimp and Betty is once again carrying on a full one-sided conversation with her B-cup blowout boobs. Brad and Magenta sit down next to Eddie and Columbia and Randall joins in talking to Betty's tits.

Columbia: Are y'all here for the party?

Brad: No, we're here for the comic book convention.

Ralph: Well, you've obviously come to th' wrong place.

Brad: Yeah, I just can't figure out that confounded map- I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, RALPH!

Betty: Ya don't hafta be so mean!

Brad: Mean?

Betty: Oh, sorry Brad, I was talking to Angela and Kathy.

Brad: Are those the names of your boobs?

Betty: Yep!

Randall: Isn't she adorable?

Magenta: Yeah, she's a reeeaaaal keeper.

Columbia: Let's go to my room, I wanna show y'all something.

The kids proceed up to Columbia's room and sit down in random places, Brad and Magenta get into her bed and under the covers.

Columbia turns on her computer,

Columbia: Okey-doke, I'm gonna make up some cards, what we're gonna do is print out a card for each of us, and each card is gonna have everyone's name on it, and we're gonna write down our opinions on everyone!

Janet: Sounds hurtful.

Columbia: You have to be kind of nice, like you can't write death threats, but at the end, when we're all done, we're gonna switch them and guess who wrote what!

Magenta: I feel like I'm gonna get insulted here.

Columbia: Hush, I'm printing them out right this second.

Ten cards come out of the printer and the kids get writing, here are a few of their cards.

**Br****ad's card;**

**BRAD: Too cool for you.**

**MAGENTA: The most beautiful girl in the world. **

**FRANK: Dresses like a slut and doesn't act much better.**

**BETTY: Dumb brunette.**

**RANDALL: Go back to the suburbs.**

**COLUMBIA: Dog-whistle.**

**ROCKFORD: Looks like a spray-tanned sack of rocks.**

****RALPH: Has the intelligence of a potato with a lobotomy.****

**JANET: Crazy obsessed unholy stalker bitch slut liar who I hate. Did I mention that little hatred part? Good. Got it covered.**

**EDDIE: Good to have on your side in a fist-fight.**

* * *

><p><strong>Frank's card;<strong>

**BRAD: *FLASH***

**MAGENTA: *FLASH***

**FRANK: *FLASH* oh, wait...**

**BETTY: *FLASH***

**RANDALL: ew, disgusting!**

**COLUMBIA: *DOUBLE FLASH***

**ROCKFORD: *KAJILLIONS OF FLASHES EVERYWHERE***

****RALPH: *FLASH*****

**JANET: *FLASH***

**EDDIE: *FLASH***

* * *

><p><strong>Magenta's card;<strong>

**BRAD: My love forever.**

**MAGENTA: hee hee hee :)**

**FRANK: ...**

**BETTY: Nice to have around :)**

**RANDALL: Don't let him alone in your room with lots of spray paint...**

**COLUMBIA: Bff-Biatch for 8 years. In. A. ROW!**

**ROCKFORD: Ab-ulous.**

**RALPH: Whimsically innocent, not the sharpest Christian in the Bible.**

**JANET: About as reliable as a restaurant called Sal Minella's House of 'Medium Rare' Chicken.**

**EDDIE: Leather and hair grease. In short, redneck-ish but sweet.**

* * *

><p>The kids finish their cards and pass them around the circle. Randall has Frank's, Brad has Betty's. Magenta has Rockford's. Columbia has Ralph's, Janet has Magenta's, Eddie has Randall's. Betty has Janet's. Ralph has Columbia's, Rockford has Eddie's. Frank has Brad's. The kids read them out loud, starting with Brad,<p>

Betty: Mine says, Brad loves me.

Brad: Magenta?

Magenta: I wrote that you're my love forever.

Brad: You're so sweet!

Janet jumps up and sprays her card with hand sanitizer.

Janet: AHHH! SLUT GERMS!

Betty promptly does the same to her card.

Randall: Janet, Betty got your card.

Janet: Correct.

Betty puts Janet's card in the middle.

Columbia: Okay, now, Magenta.

Randall: Mine just says Flash... I have Frank's card!

Frank: Ding ding ding.

Randall puts Frank's card in the middle of the circle.

Columbia: Okay, Frank!

Ralph: Mine says... In my dreams.

Columbia turns bright red.

Columbia: MINE! OKAY, BETTY!

Magenta: Mine says... wdbsafbsjdfiefkshbfygf?

Rockford: Dat mine!

Magenta puts Rockford's card in the middle.

Columbia: Randall.

Frank: Mine says, Go back to the suburbs.

Brad raises his hand,

Randall: I'm about to shove Columbia's laptop up your ass.

Brad: Sounds great. Go ahead.

Columbia grabs her laptop,

Columbia: SHOVE MY LAPTOP UP BRAD'S ASS AND SOMEONE GETS HURT! LIKE, REALLY HURT, WITH SCISSORS!

* * *

><p>The game goes on until 9:30, when 9:30 hits, people are mainly either doing stolen tequila shots or making out on Columbia's bed. Although, Columbia and Betty are on YouTube while Randall and Eddie make out silently in a corner as a result of the tequila shots. Suddenly, Brad sits up after a few minutes of ingesting Magenta's lip gloss, holds up her sweater and exclaims,<p>

Brad: Hee hee hee, Imma hang this up in my room...

Magenta is still sober.

Magenta: That's not my bra, give it back, I'm not allowed to wear strapless things. Let's not forget, I'm 12.

Frank: Awwww, yeah, yer only 6.

Magenta: Then you're only 7, if we're doing that kind of shit. 7+7=14.

Frank: I can see a Eatser Egg Stripper.

Janet: Heeeyyyy, dats meeee.

Janet falls to the floor and hits her head,

Janet: I feel splooshy...

Frank: You make me splooshy.

Randall: PERVY-HEAD!

Magenta: Murder me.

Rockford: NO PROB!

* * *

><p>2 HOURS LATER. EVERYONE'S BUZZ HAS CALMED DOWN. THEY ARE ALL CALMED DOWN AND WATCHING THE BIG BANG THEORY, EVERYONE IS HAPPY UNTIL THEY HEAR A LOUD SOUND. BANG! Finally realizing that Brad and Magenta are gone.<p>

Rockford: Wut dat?

Randall: No.

Frank: No what, you blonde demon.

Randall: YOU'RE DEMONIC!

Randall and Frank get into a cat fight and everyone else continues watching the show,

Columbia: I think somebody got hurt...

Betty: It's the physics of baseball that has always interested me.

Ralph: That's deep. Deep, girl.

Janet: Where's my love-muffin?

Randall: If you're talking about Brad-

Janet: Who else would I be talking about? Brad's missing! And his skank girlfriend, but I don't really care about her...

Columbia: That's it. I'm gonna go look for them!

Frank: Me too. Imma explore th' Greater Denton Bitchy-ness.

Janet: Are you still drunk.

Frank: Nope. Hungover. Did you know they made a documentary about hungovaries? **(The Hangover and The second one.)**

Rockford: Dat my lovemuffin.

Betty: Are we gonna go look for them- RANDY, GET OFF JANET!

Randall and Janet are making out in the background,

Janet: THE INSIDE OF MY MOUTH TASTES LIKE A AMINAL! I'M A CARNIVORE! RAAR!

Ralph: Lions and tigers and snakes, oh shit!

* * *

><p>Everyone goes to look for Magenta and Brad, eventually finding them behind a trash can,<p>

Brad: WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? WE GOT ATTACKED BY A CREEPER!

Magenta: He had a gun.

Janet: Oh, _that_ was that bang.

Betty: Did you know, that banging noises can apply to almost anything?

Randall: Like I'm gonna bang-

Betty: Me? OKAY!

Randall: I meant Janet.

Betty: RALPH, GLOSS!

Ralph hands Betty a thing of lip gloss, she puts some in her hair.

Betty: I'm ready to break your face!

Randall: I'm ready whenever.

Betty: But I can't hit _anyone_.

Magenta: I guess we're all safe.

Eddie: Guess NOT! There's a creeper with a gun that can rip us all into chunks and turn us into cannibalistic smoothies! Is that what you want?

Frank: It'd be better than listening to you all night.

Betty: Oooohhh, I _love_ smoothies!

Eddie: Frank, why don't you get a crab cake from the party, and shove it up your-

Magenta: IT'S COMING BACK!

The creeper emerges around the corner, the kids start running, finally going into the house and locking themselves into Columbia's bathroom upstairs. Everyone is cramped together, suddenly the power goes out in the washroom, everyone stays still for two seconds, then start to scream 'GET US OUT GET US OUT GET US OUT!' Columbia starts another stream of consciousness,

Columbia: GRAAAAHHHH, I HATE MY HOUSE, MAGENTA, YOU REEK, YOUR PERFUME IS AWFUL, RANDALL, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA GROW UP TO BE A PEDOPHILE, OR A STRIPPER, OR A CHECKOUT GIRL, RALPH, BLECH, BETTY, YOU'RE A STUPID LITTLE CREEP! JANET, PRUDE-ASS, PRUDE-ASS, BRAD, SKANK ALERT, YOU LITTLE TARD-ASS! EDDIE, CALL ME LATER, ROCKY, ARE YOU GAY, STRAIGHT, BOTH, OR JUST CONFUSED? FRANK, YOU LOOK BETTER IN MEN'S CLOTHES THAN WOMEN'S, ANYONE ELSE, WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW IF I MISSED ANYONE...

Brad: We need to take a logical approach to this...

Brad starts to bang on the door,

Brad: GET US OUT GET US OUT GET US OUT GET US OUT GET US OUT!

Janet: No, it's more like this, HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP!

Everyone joins in only to be ignored, until Ralph knocks the doorknob off.

Randall: What. Did. You. Do.

Ralph: I killed everyone by extent?

Randall, Brad, Eddie and Rockford start punching Ralph,

Frank: I'd do it too, but my nails might snap right off.

Janet: Punch him, and I'll flash you

Frank: OKAY! DIE, RALPH, DIE!

Janet flashes Frank in the darkness, nobody sees.

Frank: Darn. I should have thought that over... I broke a nail for nothing.

Janet: See what you learned today? You can't trust me at all!

Magenta: I knew that before.

Janet growls at her.

Columbia: Will y'all stop fighting? Honestly! All we need to do is open the window, let the street lights shine in.

Brad: Wow, for once the dog whistle whore has a good idea!

Columbia opens the blinds, only to see the creeper standing on the sidewalk brandishing a gun, she closes the blinds again,

Columbia: Sorry, y'all, the C-R-E-E-P-E-R is still down there!

Eddie: Columbia, we can all spell!

Betty raises her hand,

Betty: What'd you spell again? Don't go so fast next time.

Everyone else: SHE MEANT CREEPER!

Betty: Well... STOP GANGIN' UP ON ME!

Randall: We didn't mean it.

Betty: Zip it, you sick playboy!

Randall: I quiet YOU down!

Randall starts to turn to sink on but ends up shoving his hand down Columbia's skirt.

Columbia: AAAAHH! Who was that?

Randall: So-rry... I meant to turn on the sink, to drown Betty.

Betty attempts to kick Randall but ends up kicking Janet's bare leg instead, she falls on Brad,

Janet: Who was that? Oh, Brad! You caught me! You're my hero!

Brad tosses Janet across the bathroom, she lands in the shower on her ass.

Janet: That was uncalled for!

Brad: That's why I did it.

Janet tries to smack Brad but ends up hitting Ralph's butt,

Ralph: HEY, KEEP IT CLEAN!

Randall: You really should've said that earlier. I wouldn't have turned the sink on.

Columbia tries to slap Randall again but falls forward onto Janet,

Janet: COLUMBIA!

Columbia: How did you know it was me?

Janet: Your sequins scratched my flesh!

Frank: Oops, someone's curious!

Columbia: Sorry, Jan, there ain't been this many people in this bathroom since my triplet sisters in college brought their boyfriends home from Ivy League and... me and Magenta walked in to do third grade makeovers and...

Columbia starts sobbing uncontrollably,

Magenta: Let's just say it was like playing doctor... But... not... like, at the same time... does that make sense? No, so, in simplest terms, they were screwing in the shower,

Columbia: NOOOO!

Randall: That explains so much.

Rockford: I knows, left?

Frank: He means, I know right, but, he's special that way. My little dipshit!

Rockford: Frank my gay lover!

Magenta: Cute, you're really cute. But we're getting off topic, we need to get out! Someone find a-OH MY GOD, WHO'S TOUCHING MY ASS!

Eddie: Sorry. I thought it was an exercise ball.

Brad goes to smack Eddie but falls on Janet,

Janet: I knew this day would come!

Brad: SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH!

Brad is the first person to suceed in punching someone,

Janet: I can't feel my face!

Ralph: Me either!

Janet: We should have a Broken Face club.

Ralph: We could call it... The Breaked Sandwiches!

Janet: BS for short!

Brad: You know, BS stands for Bullshit, right?

Betty: YOU SAID A CURSE, I'M TELLING!

Brad: Who're you telling?

Betty: My mom- Oh, ummmm... GOD!

Janet starts praying, Magenta starts praying that she will soon be able to get the hell out of the bathroom.

Brad: Magenta, I didn't know you were Catholic!

Magenta: Yeah, because you refused to come to church with me!

Janet: Gettin' it from her, too, huh, Brad?

Brad: I hit you once, I can hit you again.

Janet: A gentleman never hits a girl.

Brad: Who said I was a gentleman?

Betty: He got you there. BURN-ISMS!

Janet: You are _NOT_ my BFF anymore!

Betty: We're through!

Janet: GREAT! I'LL FIND A NEW BFF!

Columbia: I'm taken.

Magenta: I might turn you into a whore.

Janet: What shall I do now?

Randall; Commit tragic suicide.

Janet: Columbia, hand me the mouthwash, I don't have a BFF I might as well not exist. I'm gonna go meet Jesus.

Columbia: No you're not. We're out of mouthwash.

Janet: You're evil.

Columbia: I just saved your life!

Janet: I know! That makes you evil!

Magenta: Can we just focus on getting the hell out of here?

Eddie: We can beat down the door...

Columbia: DON'T YOU DARE!

Eddie: Do you want out?

Columbia:...yes...

Eddie: Then stand back...

Eddie jumps, hits the door and slides down like in a cartoon.

Magenta: I'll take that as a no.

Betty: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh, I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat one of y'all... One, two threeeee... Aw, I aint kiddin' nobody.

Randall: Let's have a group shower.

Columbia: NO!

Magenta: Too late.

Brad: Aw, yeah, you're even hot in the dark!

Randall turns the water on,

Janet: What about _me_, Brad, what about my angelic beauty? My holiness?

Brad: Uh... Magenta, wow, you're even hot in the dark!

Janet: Oh, I see, it's Opposite Day!

Brad: If it's opposite day, then you just said it _IS_, so that means, it's the opposite, so it's really not!

Janet: Poop.

Betty: You tried, Janet.

Janet: Can we be BFFs again?

Betty: Totes!

Columbia: I do hope you mean the plural form of the bag.

Betty:...TOTES!

Columbia: I was wrong.

Randall: Who's that touching me? Magenta, I think your hair's attacking me.

Magenta: I'm nowhere near you.

Randall: Oh my Gaaahhhhhddddd...

Magenta: I'm hugging Brad,

Brad; Nobody's hugging me.

Rockford burps and Magenta jumps back, falling onto Brad, who lands on Frank, who lands on Betty who lands on Ralph who knocks the door open. Everyone's eyes are burning because of the light,

Janet: We're saved! OH MY GOSH!

Janet looks at the pile of children, pretty much all of them bleeding heavily, Magenta and Brad have switched undergarments, Randall has Columbia's eyeshadow in his hair, Frank has his right hand down the front of his dress, Rockford has Betty's barrettes clipped onto his shirt, Betty's braces are missing and tangled into Eddie's hair, Ralph has a toothbrush in his ear and half of Janet's leg is covered in Gatorade for whatever reason.

Betty: LET'S DO IT AGAIN!


	7. Sit on Those Babies!

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch to people she knows but quiet to the rest of the world, antisocial little creeper... 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>Sit on Those Babies!<strong>

January. It's freezing cold. Brad's birthday has come and past, Valentines Day is a long way away and nobody really had anything to do. Except of course, work. That work would include schoolwork, homework, weekend work, cleaning your mother's car, grocery shopping and of course, babysitting.

Alvarado Home. Friday. Randall and Eddie are being paid to spread salt on the Ratishki family's property, so Magenta is at home being bored.

London: GENTA WHERE ARE YOU?

Magenta: I'm in my room, what?

London comes in,

London: The Rileys need you to babysit tonight.

Magenta: Tell them no.

London: Come on, kid, these people are LOADED!

Magenta: What, are you gonna take my babysitting money?

London: No, but if you have money, you'll stop mooching off _me_.

Magenta: You really ARE pure evil. Fine. Tell them yes,

London on the phone: Hello, Jane? Yes it's me, she's available. Okay, great, yes, sounds great, alright- no, she's not allergic to goldfish. Okay, see you then, bye bye. UGH! I THOUGHT SHE'D NEVER HANG UP!

Magenta: Did she ask if I was allergic to _goldfish_?

* * *

><p>Jane and Jordan Riley are the richest parents in Denton, they have four kids, two boys and two girls. Russell, Tilly, Kieran and Sloane. Equally as rich. They live in the only mansion in town and have a wall full of Siamese Fighting Fish. They asked about goldfish allergies because Russell does goldfish breeding classes every Monday and Friday and once came home with hives from the goldfish water. He still takes breeding classes. Now on Monday, Friday <em>and<em> Wednesday.

Magenta rings the doorbell, Jane answers the door, she's wearing an outfit that is completely inappropriate for a woman of 40 years.

Jane: MADISON! COME IN COME IN COME IN, KIDS, THE BABYSITTER'S HERE!

Four little kids come running down the stairs, Russell is nine, Tilly is seven, Kieran is two and Sloane is four.

Russell: Heeeyyy, Magenta, wanna rock my world tonight.

Jane: RUSTY!

Magenta: No, it's fine, he's cute, aren't you?

Russell: Don't let my size fool you, I'm a man in kiddy overalls. Did you know I own my very own BB gun?

Magenta: Wow... um, no.

Sloane: My momy keeps it under lock and key.

Kieran: Doo-bubbin.

Magenta: What exactly is that?

Jane: Oh, doo-bubbin is Kieran's word for cucumber, I have a list of fruit and vegetable names on the fridge so you can understand the kid.

Tilly: I'm obnoxious!

Jane: Okay, I should be going now, I'm meeting Jordan at the movies, we're going to go see Meet The Fockers.

Magenta: I have that movie on disk, are you sure that's what you're seeing?

Jane: That's what the ticket said! Oh, I love the part with the fondue and when-

Tilly: TMI, MOMMA!

* * *

><p>The kids and Magenta are having dinner. Russell yelps and tosses an apple slice at Kieran,<p>

Kieran: Ah-pool!

Russell: Ah! Magenta? I cut my finger! Kiss it?

Magenta: I've kissed your finger 37 times.

Russell:...Magenta, I think I cut my lips!

Tilly: Just ignore him. He's silly.

Kieran: Stroo-bay.

Sloane: He means strawberry.

Magenta: No strawberries right now, Kieran.

Kieran: Boobs.

Magenta: Sloane, would you like some more bacon.

Sloane: Not in a zillion bajillion years.

Magenta: Well, it's 9:30 already, so you guys have to go to sleep!

Russell: It can't be that late, we started dinner at 7:00!

Magenta: You guys took too long to just... eat.

Russell: Can't risk getting sick.

...

All the kids are asleep and Magenta is bored, Jane refused to give her the Wi-Fi password. She gets an idea, she goes upstairs to Jane and Jordan's room and opens Jane's closet.

Magenta: Jane didn't lock her closet.

**2 hours later.**

Jane: Miranda? We're home!

Magenta: Shit, I don't have time to change my clothes, hopefully she won't notice.

Magenta goes downstairs wearing a skirt and jacket,

Jordan: How were the kids?

Magenta: Little angels.

Jane: Oh, dear, you must tell me where you got your skirt!

Magenta: Oh, it was a gift.

* * *

><p>Magenta gets home to find everyone asleep.<p>

Magenta: Thank God, I'd be screwed any other way.

She goes into the kitchen to lay out her pay; 60 dollars. Also a coupon. 10 percent off select fish food at the Denton Aquatic Pet Emporium.


	8. Dentonvale Dodgeball

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch to people she knows but quiet to the rest of the world, antisocial little creeper... 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p>Monday. Everyone arrives at homeroom to find Ms Ratishki wearing a football jersey and booty shorts holding a dodgeball.<p>

Ms Ratishki: Maybe it escaped your idiotic little minds, but today is the High School Dodgeball tournament.

Columbia: Aren't we the only high school in Denton?

Ms Ratishki: We're the only _normal_ high school. Presenting... DENTONVALE ACADEMY!

Ms Ratishki opens a curtain to reveal a bunch of kids in straightjackets and a bored-looking teacher. They march into the middle of the room, one girl, with curly orange hair screams, '5,6,7,8'

Dentonvale kids: You'll find... happy hearts, and smiling faces, and tolerance for the ethnic races, in Denton-

Columbia: STOP SINGING!

A girl with a nametag that says Neely steps forward,

Neely: Hey! YOU DIDN'T LET US FINISH! WE'RE GONNA OWN YOUR ASSES IN DODGEBALL TODAY!

Ms Ratishki: Oh, right, on that, you giblets need to get into your uniforms!

*A lot of changing later...*

The girls are wearing skimpy cheerleader skirts and sports bras and the boys are wearing fugly shorts and t-shirts that don't breathe. The Denton High colours are red and black and the Dentonvale Academy colours are mint green and white. A short kid with a dark brown mushroom cut and dark glasses come over to the DHS team, his nametag says 'Bert S.'.

Bert S.: Hi, I'm Bert Schnick, I'm coming over here to say that... WE'RE GONNA PWN YOUR ASSES! HELL YEAH!

Randall: Has anyone ever told you you're annoying?

Bert S.: You look like Cody Simpson, heh heh, BURN!

Two other kids come over, one is tall, with a blonde buzz cut and what look like goggles and the curly orange child from before.

Magenta: Oh... fuck.

Brad: What, what's the oh fuck?

Magenta: You see those kids over there?

Brad: Yeah, they're funny-lookin', we're gonna whoop some ass up in here!

Magenta: No. I used to date that guy.

Brad: What? Is this what I missed when we went to different schools?

Magenta: No, we had a pretend relationship in first grade, he's a complete ass and I have a problem with his sister.

Brad: She looks like you... but kind of rabid... and deranged. With a less hot body.

Magenta: Their names are Cosmo and Nation.

Brad: Yeah, I kinda gathered that, they have name tags.

Magenta: They're twins. Two seconds apart and that's only because Nation likes to tell people she was born first. Apparently, they came out both at the same time...

Brad: Their poor mom...

Cosmo and Nation come over,

Cosmo: Wow, Magenta, you little whore, you've got titties now!

Nation: How do mine look?

Magenta: Like two sacks of peas.

Nation: Thanks for your analogy. I'll be... 'sucking on it'.

Brad: I'm sorry, but you don't make any sense. At all.

Magenta: Hey, Cosmo. Did you know I still have a scar from that time you stabbed me with a toothpick?

Cosmo: Good... freakin'... times.

Cosmo and Nation leave and the two teams huddle, Dentonvale is chanting their creepy mantra and DHS is actually going over plans,

Ralph: Okay, which one of y'all is gonna be the doctor?

Frank: What is this, third grade? We don't pick anyone to be the fuckin' doctor, we either dodge balls or suck them.

Janet: You're revolting.

Rockford: I is agreeing with you, girlfriend.

Janet: Aren't you adorable!

Frank: Will you people please focus? Okay, us girls will aim for that Schnick kid, it'll do him some good to realize that he doesn't actually have a forcefield, and you other people will... aim for everyone else, ready...

Everyone: BREAK!

The kids break apart and get into a few lines, Randall throws the first ball, it misses Neely by an inch,

Neely: HA! I TOLD Y'ALL JUSTIN BIEBER WAS GAY, YOU OWE ME TWENTY BUCKS, NATION!

Randall whips another shot at Neely's head, it smacks her square in the nose,

Neely: Last... time... I make... a bet...

A curvy blonde comes over to Ralph, her tag has Macy S on it,

Macy: Oh, I never cared much for this sport, it's far too violent for me. You seem like a gentle boy, why don't I hang out with you?

Ralph: Um... uh... Careful, I might hit you. We're on opposite teams after all, and I don't think being a double agent is such a good idea... it's kinda mean after all.

Macy: Oh, but, I'm a little tired, would you mind escorting me to the change room?

Ralph: Well, I believe in chivalry, what the hell?

Macy: Oh, no, carry me?

Ralph: Might as well!

Ralph picks Macy up and carries her away to the change room, meanwhile, Magenta and Betty are trying in vain to hit Bert,

Bert: THIS IS MY AURA-

Bert gets hit,

Bert: That hurt... SCREW YOU, AURA!

Cosmo: CHECK OUT MY SKILLS!

Cosmo tears off his clothes, he's wearing tighty-orangies,

Cosmo: ARE YOU BITCHES HORNY?

Nation: I know I am...

Frank: OH SHIT!

Janet: Aren't they twins?

Randall: They're _incestuous _twins.

Magenta: It's disgusting,

Randall: Yeah, I know, right? We're _so_ above that.

Magenta: Totally.

Brad: I sure hope that's true.

Nation: Hey, Mac, wanna really piss off these pious little bastards?

Cosmo: It's like you're damn reading my mind, HEY, RANDALL, YOU'RE A SLUT!

The next thing that happens is Cosmo getting a ball in the face, but not before Janet gets taken out by a girl named Ansalong,

Ansalong: WANNA SEE SOMETHIN' COOL?

Ansalong flashes the entire DHS team her sparkly black thong, Frank vomits into one of Rockford's non-Gym shoes, Janet starts to pray on the sidelines and Magenta covers Brad's eyes.

Betty: Now that's what I call the dark side of the moon.

Columia: You're disgusting!

Ansalong: AND YOU'RE SQUEAKY!

Columbia: DON'T YOU DARE!

Columbia and Ansalong take each other out. Five kids, Farley F, Vance P, Oliver W, Ricky R.H, and Oscar D, come over and start gyrating in a line, moving their asses up and down,

Rockford: Wut day doin'?

Magenta: They're booty-tooching.

Randall: Well, get them out of here!

DHS lets their ammo fly and the booty-tooching skanks scatter. Two girls come over with the nametags Frankie and Brenda.

Magenta: Not again...

Frankie and Brenda: WE'RE NUMBER ONE, NOT NUMBER TWO, WE'RE GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA YOU!

Janet: Lovely.

Macy and Ralph come back over and go back to their individual teams,

Macy: You're sweet, Ralph, thank you for being so supportive.

Ralph: Well, when I said I believed in aliens you asked me to probe you... sorry, but that's creepy! Now, let's play some competitive dodgeball of death!

Macy: Oh, Ralphie, you tell silly jokes.

Betty comes over,

Betty: Ralph, what is this?

Ralph: Oh, how rude of me, Macy, this is my friend Betty.

Betty: You have a stable future in streetwalkin'.

Macy: And you don't have a figure.

Macy snorts and walks away,

Betty: YOU MEAN MAN! I THOUGHT WE WERE THE DHS POWER COUPLE! WE'RE BOTH WHIMSICALLY NAIVE!

Ralph: You're dating Randall!

Betty: We're not dating, we just... hook up sometimes and I once let him put a Twizzler in my bra... but who even cares?

Ralph: I do, we're done, Betty!

Frankie and Brenda: REEEEEE-JECTED REJECTED, YEAH YOU JUST GOT REJECTED, R-E, J-E, C-T-E-D REJECTED! WOOOOO!

Betty: SHUT UP!

Frankie: Have a heart!

Brenda: Yeah, have a soul.

Nantion: HEY, JANET, YOU'VE GOT A BIG ASS!

Janet: BITE ME, WENCH!

Nation: I'd rather not, I believe in good dental hygiene.

Frank: Are you gonna let her talk to you like that?

Janet: No,

Janet stands up and whips a ball at Nation's head, it misses and knocks out Oscar D.

Oliver W. : These are some dark-ass times.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, only Ralph and Macy are left in the game.<p>

Macy turns around to brag to her team,

Macy: LAST ONE STANDING, Y'ALL!

Ralph starts to drool and tosses a ball, it nails Macy in the ass,

Macy: YOWCH, GODDAMMIT, I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL!

DHS: YOU KICKED ASS, RALPH! LITERALLY!

Ralph: I just wanted to see it jiggle...

DHS: Pervert.

Nation: THAT WAS TOTALLY UNFAIR! HE WAS TURNED ON, AND MACY TURNED _AROUND_! NO-ONE EVEN SAID 'GO'!

Frank: No-one _needed_ to say _go_. This is dodgeball, not cardboard boat racing.


	9. To the Drugstore

**Sins Of The High School Flesh: Valentines Day mini-chapter! Holy Crap, It's Love Day again... TO THE DRUGSTORE!**

This chapter was written at the very last minute, so bear with me!

* * *

><p>Betty is at her house, she signs into Hotmail and sends out an email with an attached video of herself doing a strip tease.<p>

Email: Hi yall! wats ur favrit valin-time day memmary? Pleez raply! OMG, Randy I bet ur favrit memmary is in this viddy-oh! OMG! Magenta, if u raply tellin me i speld memmary rong, imma kill u with a dickshanarry! n i speld that rite 2!

...

Nobody replies until the next day at school, the 14th, when Betty brings it up again,

Betty: Why didn't y'all reply to my email last night?

Janet: I was buying chocolate for my secret lovemuffin.

Brad: I got those, by the way, please never buy me chocolate from the dollar store, it expired 17 years ago! It had dust on the inside.

Magenta: EW! WAS THAT WHY YOUR TONGUE TASTED SO DISGUSTING LAST NIGHT?

Brad: It's like Cupid wants to fuck up my life...

Columbia: Ooh, my favourite memory is last year, when I ate a peanut butter cup, kissed Frank, and he was in anaphylactic shock for a week!

Frank: That wasn't funny, okay! I passed out and my dad tried to defibrillate me on an electric fence!

Randall: My favourite memory is when Betty sent me that video. I liked the bra made out of cinnamon hearts.

Betty: Lady Gaga can learn from me!

Magenta: I don't really think she wants to. If she had a cinnamon heart bra, she wouldn't have to make room for her 'Boob Earrings'.

Janet: Wait... where those the earrings you let me borrow last week?

Betty: Yep.

Ralph: Janet has nipple rings in her ears?

Janet turns white and passes out, Frank takes her wallet.

...

Magenta comes home from school and finds an envelope on her kitchen table, she opens the envelope and inside it is a chunk of hair, a 50 dollar bill, and a teeny card that just reads 'you're hot'. and on the other side it says, 'From Master Russell Riley, I'll wait for you forever, BTW, you're babysitting on Wednesday.

Magenta: Yep. He's a man in kiddy overalls.


	10. Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Cans

**Sins of The High School Flesh.**

**Magenta Alvarado: Genius girl, cute, short, smart, a real biatch to people she knows but quiet to the rest of the world, antisocial little creeper... 12 years old.**

**Janet Weiss: Average girly-girl, average-looking, tall and skinny, slutty, nice hair, 14 years old.**

**Columbia Cole: Very average, loud, tall and skinny, like Janet, short pink hair, really loud, has a fear of pick-up trucks. Straight A student. 14 years old.**

**Betty Munroe: Ignorant Janet-follower. Is 5'10 and weighs 110 pounds but is still dieting. 13 years old.**

**Randall Alvarado: Blonde Bieber-cut, tall and anorexic-looking, disregards rules and couldn't pass for responsible if his life depended on it. 14 years old.**

**Brad Majors: SQUARE. Thinks he knows everything, is supposed to be dating Janet but is obsessed with Magenta. 14 years old.**

**Eddie Scott: Bad-ass. Nicer than he looks. Hopeless romantic. Has a motor-bike. 14 years old.**

**Frank Furter: Crossdresser, although he wears the boy's uniform. 14 years old.**

**Ralph Hapschatt: Weird. 14 years old.**

**Rockford Hoffman: Body-builder looking, transfer student from California. Will be introduced in the fourth chapter.**

* * *

><p>The kids have decided to become 'bad-asses' and are going to spend the night at the local grocery store. It was Rockford's idea... Does that explain anything? Probably.<p>

The kids are settling into their recently-closed-for-the-night surroundings in the seafood section under the soft glow of the lobster tank when they hear a loud, screechy laugh coming from Aisle Six, juices and assorted drinks.

Brad: What the hell was that?

Eddie: Maybe we should go investigate...

Brad, and Eddie go looking for the source of the noise, obviously someone has gotten there first! Sitting around an electric heater are the Dentonvale Academy kids.

Brad: Crap, back up slowly.

Nation: EEEEE! HI NEIGHBOURS! You spendin' th' night too?

Eddie: Um... no...

Ansalong: LOL, y'all are lyin'! I sawed your'n sleepin' bay-gs!

Cosmo: Better watch out, I might just screw you while you're sleepin'!

Bert: I'm from Austria!

Farley: You're gonna be quiet!

Bert takes a bite of the apple he's eating and spits juice at Farley's head.

Brad: You're like a bunch of toddlers.

Bert: I am NOT a toddler.

Brad: Most toddlers are taller than you.

Bert turns red and punches Brad in the nuts,

Bert: Ha ha, you were axing for it!

Brad: Thank you. You realize that you probably broke something.

Macy: EEK, I DON'T WANNA KNOW! Wait, is my Ralphie here?

Brad: Yeah, he's just around the corner- WAIT, DON'T GO- aw, it'll do Ralph some good to get 'the talk' from a curvy blonde that turns him on when he doesn't even know it yet. You know, because he's oblivious.

Ralph screams from the seafood section: HEY HEY HEY, THAT'S MY PRIVATE PLACE THAT YOU CAN'T SEE! A BATHING SUIT WOULD COVER THAT!

Magenta from the seafood section: GET HIM A TOWEL OR SOMETHING!

Randall from the seafood section: Holy shit, he's bleeding!

Ralph from the seafood section: I HATE MY LIFE!

Macy from the seafood section: YOU'RE STARTING A NEW CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE, MY LITTLE HAPSCHATT-SANDWICH, YOU'RE STARTING IT WITH ME! Okay, get the kid some Polysporin! I don't want that cut getting infected... it could hurt my little Ralphie-pop's libido.

Brad: Should we go help him?

Cosmo: I'll come disinfect him!

Brad: Okay... okay... you do that.

Cosmo: Nation, get the peroxide.

Nation: GOT IT!

Nation holds up the bottle of malt vinegar that Brad decided to bring for the night,

Brad: Yeah, about that, I just painted the bottle brown, I drank all the vinegar in there.

Bert: Are you sure that's healthy?

Brad: It cleans all the shit off your heart.

Nation: I'd like to clean your heart... with my-

Brad: I carry pepper spray!

Nation: Yep, you can spray me wheneeeeeeeeever you want...

Brad: MAGENTA, COME TO THE JUICE SECTION!

Janet and Magenta come running down the aisles, Janet tosses herself on Brad,

Janet: Ha! Age before beauty! Or in your case, the lack of it.

Magenta shoves Janet off,

Magenta: Pearls before swine. That means you're a pig.

Neely: NEELY PRITT; HOE OF THE HOUR!

Neely jumps onto a rack of chips like a cat and knocks it over, Randall and Betty are behind there making out, Betty is topless and Randall is alternating between kissing and shovelling cheesecake into his face.

Neely: Actually, _she's_ the hoe of the hour.

Betty: Cheesecake, anyone?

Nation and Janet start throwing canned cranberry sauce until Randall and Betty relocate to the flower aisle.

Bert: I'M FROM AUSTRIA!

Cosmo: You're from Miami.

Bert: SHUT UP!

Ansalong: Did you know Bert here stores lime Jell-o in condoms so it stays fresh? He uses the lemon-flavoured ones to get a tangy citrus aroma!

Bert: Aroma is _smell_. I like the _taste_.

The Dentonvale kids start giggling.

Bert: Okay, the rubber makes a funny sound when the Jell-o's sloshing around in there.

Janet: I'm calling my priest, we have to exorcise him, Hello, Daddy, yes, I understand, 30 OF THEM? NO WAY! Okay, bye- he can't come...

Magenta: Thanks, Jesus, you really _are _helpful.

Janet: What did you do?

Magenta: Oh, you know, that's between me and God.

Janet: GOD AND JESUS ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON!

Magenta: I know that, I didn't know you did though, next you're gonna go into a rant about how Lady Gaga is a devil worshipper, or how _Judas_ made you 'physically sick'.

Janet: I thought you loved her.

Magenta: You're still missing the point.

Janet: I hope I am! I have a suspicion you're trying to offend me.

Magenta: Okay, _now _we can sic Bert on her.

Bert: YAY, JANET MEAT!

Janet: I NEED A BASEBALL BAT!

* * *

><p>All the DHS kids go on MSN on their phones, the only DVA kids that join in are Nation, Ansalong, Cosmo and Bert.<p>

I'mFromAustria: Janit i wanna do u

Cathlick_Gurrrl: DI IN A HOL!

Bread Majors: I weep for the future.

BlackLacePrincess: WTF whatabut meee?

Bread Majors:... you're a fox.

BlackLacePrincess: NO... IMMA KITTY!

RandyBieber: I hat u Brad.

Bread Majors: You sound like a talking bug.

Ansathong123: bug bug bug bug bug

I'mFromAustria: wtf...?

RandyBieber: OMG, brads a idiet.

Cosmo_Wants_To_Do_Magenta: OMG, gold starr 4 randal.

Ansathong123: SHHIIIINNNNYYYYYYY

RandyBieber: ;)

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: huh

RandyBieber: im keepin 1 eye closd cuz i dont wanna luk at brad cuz hes fuglee.

I'm-Nation-Imma-Kat: OMG... BRAD IS SO FUGLI I CANT EVN LUK AT HIM OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OOOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGG.

Bread Majors: I want you to have an aneurysm.

Cosmo_Wants_To_Do_Magenta: No fukkin way ratbasterd... if nation has a anurisim imma cum 2 ur hous and mak u dye

Bread Majors: Can't wait, lab reject.

RandyBieber: dat dont mak no sens.

Bread Majors: Cosmo looks like a lab reject.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: Wut dat?

Bread Majors: It's what you are.

BlackLacePrincess: aint he so hott?

Spoonsaremyfriends: hi yal.

Bread Majors: Who the fuck are you?

Spoonsaremyfriends: I'M C'LUMBIA

Bread Majors: You changed your username. AGAIN.

Ansathong123: yah cuz i hat herrr

Cosmo_Wants_To_Do_Magenta: gess wut, c'lumbia, imma lab reejec.

Bread Majors: Okay, you spelled it wrong, and it's NOT A COMPLIMENT!

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: OMG its msn. UR sposta spel stuf rong.

TastetherainbowFrankieishott: Im with ya yall. i lik speelin stuf ronggg its so funn.

Bread Majors: I hope you ALL die!

BlackLacePrincess: ur so meen! u want mee 2 di?

Spoonsaremyfriends: We al wont u 2 di.

BlackLacePrincess: EFF U.

Spoonsaremyfriends: OMG iz kiddin.

Bread Majors: But you're still an asshole, Columbia.

Spoonsaremyfriends: u wantid 2 kil herr.

BlackLacePrincess: OMG C'LUMBIA UR SUCHA DUMASS HE WAZ KIDIN

Spoonsaremyfriends: WELL U GOED WIT IT!

BlackLacePrincess: GO IN A HOL N DI.

RandyBieber: I HAT BRAD SO FUGGIN MUCH HE GOTTA DI SO I DONT KIL HIM MY SELF.

Bread Majors: Actually, I might kill myself after reading your disgusting spelling.

RandyBieber: OOH BURN.

BlackLacePrincess: OMG IM ON FIRE!

Cathlick_Gurrrl: Frogs r skarie.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: totilly.

RandyBieber: ribbit.

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: Bradd tuch my legg.

Bread Majors: No thank you.

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: YES YES YES YES YES YES YES THANK YOU TUCH MA LEEEGGGG COSMO MAK HIM TUCH MY LEGG OR ILL CUTT MY SELF N DIIIIIIE!

Cosmo_Wants_To_Do_Magenta: dont tuch herr leg ittl make me laff so hard.

Ansathong123: ya mee 2

Bread Majors: I wasn't counting on touching her leg.

BlackLacePrincess: i dont thinc u shud.

Bread Majors: I'M NOWHERE NEAR HER!

BlackLacePrincess: i meand i dont thinc u shud cut urself.

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: aw thnx genta.

BlackLacePrincess: waz i tockin 2 u? NO!

I'mFromAustria:I haz a drill 2 drill holz.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: in mee?

RandyBieber: OMG beddie, imma put u rite nex 2 bradd on my list of ppl I hat!

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: NO RANDIE I LUV UUUUU DONT HAT ME IMMA SLUT DEEL WITHIT! OMG! :'(

RandyBieber: ummmm

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: PLZ!

RandyBieber: OK i dont hat u. imma kill bert tho.

I'mFromAustria: oooo im so skard! wut u gonna do? be blond at me?

RandyBieber: FUC OFF BURT.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: ooooh yal r so sexxii wen ur fiteing.

RandyBieber: Yall imma kill burt cuz he sux.

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: id laff so harrd.

I'mFromAustria: shut up nat who axd u ur just a stupidass girl.

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: sexist

Bread Majors: Oh God, she spelled it right!

Im-Nation-Imma-Kat: Yah, cuz i wantid 2 go 2 bed with u.

Ansathong123: OMG yal r so yukki!

Bread Majors: Ansalong, look who's talking, or typing...

Ansathong123: me.

Bread Majors: KILL ME NOW!

Ansathong123: No prob, Bob.

RandyBieber: whos Bob?

Ansathong123: brad.

RandyBieber: brads a ahole.

Ansathong123: OMG randy do me. **(QueenCynder, that's for you!)**

RandyBieber: omg 3some, me, u, n beddie.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe: cannd food isle?

Ansathong123: OK.

RandyBieber: yah, me 2.

Ansathong123 is offline.

RandyBieber is offline.

Elizabeth Madeline Munroe is offline.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry if that was a little short... I just wanted to update.<strong>


	11. Just a little PSA about the story

**Sins of The High School Flesh. PSA! not a real chapter**

* * *

><p>okay, since Christmas is coming up and it's that kind of season, so I'll be skipping a few months and it'll be going to the next year.<p>

So they're all in 10th grade because I need to restart the whole thing because of a lot of writers block. So, I'm just gonna update all this!

Magenta turned 13! yay! I just realized we have the same age and the same birthday. Then I remembered she's pretty much a Mary-Sue from last year. And she and Brad are still in lovelovelove.

Betty dyed a pink streak in her hair, she and Randall are officially a couple.

Also the kids are all officially in the Glee Club because I felt like ripping Glee off after I re-watched the Christmas special. It's run by Ms Ratishki who still teaches them.

They'll be going on a trip soon! It gets it's own chapter.

Okay, that was just a little update. I'll get working on the Christmas chapter! Thanks for reading.


	12. Christmas Party Special

**Sins of The High School Flesh. Christmas Special.**

**Yes, it's back, one year later.**

**And sorry for this being late.**

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><p>December 2012. Magenta's POV.<p>

So now that the whole 2012 thing has been proved a hoax, I can safely say I'm definitely screwed in terms of Christmas shopping.

I haven't babysat for a while so I don't have any money from the creepy goldfish family, and my mom won't let me take any out of the bank. Nor will she give me any. I'll just have to get people cheap things.

...

Denton High School, December 10th.

The kids get into class and Ms Ratishki starts to write something on the board,

Ms Ratishki: I-C-E-B-R-E-A-K-E-R-S. What's that spell?

Betty: I'm not a baby, okay? I know how to spell _Prindle_.

Ms Ratishki: That's not even close.

Janet: It spells ICEBREAKERS. Ooh I'm so good at these, Hi, y'all, my name's Janet, you've known me since kindergarten, I'm Catholic, my favourite colour is pink, I collect kitchen appliances shaped like woodland animals and one thing I dislike is the fact that Magenta hasn't been expelled yet.

Magenta: I'm this close to hurting you.

The class starts to buzz until Ms Ratishki turns over Eddie's desk,

Ms Ratishki: OKAY, kids, back on track.

Betty: Randy's a sex train. And we had sex on a train once.

Ms Ratishki: I'M SICK OF THIS.

Brad: Can we get to the point?

Ms Ratishki: Yes, okay, the school is throwing the whole 10th to 12th grades a party for Christmas, all night. On the 20th.

Columbia: First, I'm Jewish, and second, are the refreshments apples and water? Because this school is-

Ms Ratishki: Don't question it, little child.

...

December 16th. The party is starting at the school, from the looks of it, it looks like Principal Ratishki decided to see how her precious pupils would react to alcohol. The second floor of the school has been transformed into a coked-up STD factory and Brad, Randall, Rockford, Ralph, Frank and Eddie are sitting in a row in the hallway.

Frank: Why in the hell are we here anyway?

Eddie: A lot of people are just doing it in the pool.

Frank and Rockford look at each other and run away down the hall.

Brad: Where are the girls anyway?

Randall: They're all getting high in the ladies room. Apparently Columbia got ecstacy from her cousin.

Brad: Wow, fun, I guess tomorrow I'll be dealing with a coked-up Magenta on Christmas Eve. That sounds great.

Ralph: Magenta wouldn't get high. She wouldn't, right? She said she was my friend... She said she wouldn't do that!

Brad: You're a child. I'm calling her.

...

Principal Ratishki is suddenly barged in on by her daughter dragging Frank and Rockford by their hair,

Principal Ratishki: Double-ya-tee-eff.

Other Ratishki: I caught these two doing it in the pool.

Rockford: Also, I confessed to Frank that I possess the ability to talk like a regular person. It's weird, y'all thought I couldn't.

Other Ratishki: Yeah, I wondered why you could sing and not talk.

...

The boys are sitting against the wall when the Dentonvale gang come and stand over them, Nation takes her top off and puts it in her back pocket,

Cosmo: Well if it ain't the Island of Misfit Toys.

Randall: Why the fuck are you here?

Cosmo: We ran out of Viagra at our party.

Eddie: You're 15 and you need Viagra?

Cosmo: No, but I take it to give Nat here what she deserves.

Randall: THAT. IS. YOUR. _**SISTER**_!

Brad: Randall, she's a girl.

Randall: She's an IT.

Nation: I ain't no It, not even in tag.

Brad: That wasn't funny or clever and neither are you.

Nation: I have a snowball in my back pocket with your name on it, sweetcheeks.

Eddie: YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS.

Nation: Did I say back pocket? I meant back pocket.

Ralph: You misunderstood girl...

Ralph stands up and hugs Nation as the other DVA children run away to the bathroom to find the girls.

Cosmo: THAT'S MINE, YOU STANK-ASS-

Ralph: No swearing in my school, this is a clean school, even though Rocky and Frank just had an adult playdate in the pool. They got caught, poor darlingses.

Nation: You have a pool?

Ralph: Didn't you see the banner outside?

Cosmo: Let's go have an adult playdate!

Ralph: All of us?!

Brad, Eddie and Randall: No, please.

Cosmo: Just me and this thing.

...

Ansalong comes into the bathroom,

Ansalong: Hi bitchies I want some coke.

Betty: It's ECSTACY you fatty-cake-fatty-cake-baker's-hoe.

Janet is sitting in the sink and sobbing.

Janet: PleaseGodletmeoutpleasepleas epleaseIwontsinoranythingify oujustletmeoutofhere...

Magenta: I'm taking off all my clothes.

Columbia: Okeydokes.

Magenta: Don't you order me around.

...

Back in Principal Ratishki's office,

Principal Ratishki: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LITTLE ASSCAKES, LYING TO US LIKE THAT.

Rockford: I'm a shy little cat so I just told everyone I never learned basic English.

Frank: I thought it was kind of hot, he could never tell me I looked fat in anything, even if I looked like my cousin Dennis.

Other Ratishki: Dennis?

Frank: Dennis Lord, we call him DeLordy though. He's in elementary school with Brad's brother Steve, he's really in love with Magenta and he can't seem to lose weight even though he's like ten.

Principal Ratishki: I didn't need to know that and your little cousin seems like someone I don't want to meet.

Frank: Yeah, he's a little creep.

...

Brad: So what you're basically saying is that you think it's normal to use Viagra at the age of 15?

Nation: It feels magical.

Randall: I hate you and everything about you.

Nation: And your house smells like celery but you don't hear me passing judgement.

Randall: You're shallow, and stupid and you're mean, so why are you still here?

Nation: Aren't we getting the brutal truth today.

Nation pulls a snowball out of a pocket in the back of her dress.

Nation: Majors is getting a face-full of this sexy nut-nut.

Brad: It's snow.

Brad gets a face-full of snowball.

Brad: ARE YOU ON CRACK?!

Nation: No ma'am, but you 'bout to, 'cause you just did.

Eddie: That's a line from The Help.

...

At the end of the party, the girls are all passed out (all except Janet of course) in the flatbed of Brad's mom's truck, the boys are all mushed in there too.

Brad: Is it rape if I kiss her right now?

Ralph: Potty-mouth. Swirl-swirl-swirl-flush. Aaaand paper, and don't put too much, it'll clog.

Brad: Randall, your sister is so beautiful.

Randall: You fucking pervert.

Frank: Are you still pissed because Nation wrapped her thong around your face?

Randall: It was red and it had lace, Genta has the same one.

Rockford: That teensy kid wears thongs?

Randall: When did you learn your ripped little ABCs?

Janet: I ate a pink pill. I ate it sooo good. Merry Christmas kiddles. And a Happy New Year...


End file.
